The annual 9/11 post

I remember it like it was yesterday. I mean, how do you not remember something that was so close, so life changing, not to mention not knowing where my dad was for a few minutes, and hearing all the rumored additional target lists popping up, many of which seemed to include the Naval Academy.

But I've posted about the day before. That's not what I want to say today. I woke up this morning and did my normal routine, which includes looking at social media as I'm waking up. As to be expected, lots of tribute and rememberance posts today. But then I saw someone had posted a picture of the towers burning before they fell, of course with the caption "never forget."

I understand that everyone remembers differently, and everyone pays tribute differently. But those pictures are burned in my memory forever. I avoid the news and most TV 9/11 week because they're still very hard for me to see. I haven't been able to bring myself to go to any of the memorials yet, but its still just too soon for me. I should know better than to think that Facebook is a safe place, obviously its not. But it just really bothered me to see that this morning. I know I shouldn't be bothered, or insulted at the perceived but more than likely absolutely not intentional implication that I need to see those pictures to remember. Especially posted by someone who was nowhere close to the events, physically or otherwise, and who, while an old friend, I pretty much disagree with 100% when it comes to politics. I know that everyone is different. So why does it bother me?

The answer doesn't really matter in the big picture, and I would never dream of saying anything because its just not worth it. But I would ask that anyone reading this think about it before you post anything graphic from this day 13 years ago. How you remember and how you pay tribute to those lost this day and since may be a trigger for someone else. Don't be insulted if they react to it. Today is a day that should be filled with love, compassion, kindness, and peace. In the words of The Alternate Routes, "we are how we treat each other, nothing more." And never is that more important than on days like today.

This year's 9/11 post

It's always interesting to read people's "where were you on 9/11" stories. Seeing how they intersect, or how the same experience was so different for different people.

I've mentioned before how I feel about this day. It never changes. I avoid the news, I immediately turn away from pictures. I can't even bring myself to attend the memorial events. But when people post the "where were you on that Tuesday morning" posts on Facebook or Twitter or message boards, I'm drawn to them.

On one Navy message board I'm still on, its been fascinating today to read everyone's stories, see the connections made that people hadn't realized (because the veil of anonymity on the interwebz and everything), get chills from various stories. Like the guy who was on deployment overseas and a German ship asked to pass alongside, and when they did, all their folks were in dress uniform holding a big sign that said "We stand with you." Perhaps it just takes me back to that feeling I know many of us had that day, once the fear and panic subsided. Yes, there was uncertainty and more fear and all that goes along with the loss of control for OCD control freaks like me. But there was also a feeling of togetherness, of common sympathy and empathy, of love and concern for each other that I'm not sure has really been felt since, except maybe almost after Newtown. That feeling that nothing else was important at that moment except the desire to heal, altogether, from the same horrible incident.

I will forever be grateful for my Daddy's dentist for running behind that morning, because otherwise, he would have been in the exact area of the Pentagon that was hit. In fact, he would have been in the same meeting with several of the people who were killed. One of my classmates will be forever grateful that his relative on the NYFD chose that day as his first personal day in many years and was playing golf instead of responding with his ladder to the first tower to be hit - the whole ladder was lost. Another was thankful that one of their loved ones had missed a flight that morning, because that plane was one of the 4. And there are so many more other stories - the planes that were not even half full, the section of the Pentagon that was nowhere near full capacity because it had just been renovated and offices hadn't moved back in yet, random stories of people running late, or taking a sick day, or whatever.

I've posted my thoughts on religion before too, so I'm not gonna get into that now. But I do want to say that there is no way for me to hear about all of these close calls, all of these circumstances that made the casualty number that day SO much lower than it could have been, and NOT believe that there is a higher power out there looking out for us and working in amazing ways. I need to do better to remember that more often.

I know that all of my paragraphs don't link together very well in this post. But that's OK. These words are my diary and all that :) Even 12 years later, this day is still confusing. There are still emotions that don't make sense, and seem jumbled together. So it only makes sense that my thoughts are too. And that's OK. Because like my new friend Miranda says, when its your blog, you get to make the rules!

254/365 (9/11)

Never forget.

What a week.

I started this post last week. I just couldn't get it finished. Its a bit disjointed, but those of you that have read my blog for a while know that I tend to do that sometimes...

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This week has been an incredibly emotionally draining week, but also an incredibly exciting week. I went into it knowing it would be busy - helping out with a course at work that took me away from my desk, the book launch for In The Shadow of Greatness, a book signing, 9/11, the most reading and writing intensive course I've had in my entire masters program... But I had no idea.

Monday started out fine. Typical Monday morning, nothing special about it. I knew I was a little bit behind in my reading, but I had 4 days to get the book read that I needed to read and get the paper written that I needed to write. No problem. I stayed up a little too late watching the finale of Bachelor Pad (because who doesn't like a good train wreck?), but felt fine about the week to come.

Then Tuesday hit. The last time 9/11 was on a Tuesday was in 2001. I remember that morning being so beautiful, just a perfect, crisp, clear fall morning. Leaving for work on Tuesday morning, all I could think was wow, it was just like today. I put up a short post on Tuesday afternoon about how much I hate that day. I was happy to not be at my desk, because all of the TV stations were just replaying their broadcasts from 2001. No thank you. I'll stick to escorting and facilitating, thanks, and do my reading while I'm sitting there.

Well, it turns out that the absolute last think I wanted to read on 9/11 was a book about the guy believed to have been the brains behind 9/11. So that didn't so much happen. I think I got about 5 pages read.

I left the Pentagon to head up to the Navy Memorial for the book launch, it was great to reconnect with some classmates and see some people I hadn't seen in a long time. But it was also FAR more emotional than I had anticipated. It started with the wreath laying ceremony outside, which was pretty short, and not too bad. Then we went inside the memorial for a presentation about the USS New York, where we were treated to a slideshow of pictures from a Tiger Cruise the ship had taken from Norfolk to New York last September. On board, they had NYC firefighters and police, as well as several family members of victims. They also showed a video of several of the shipbuilders visiting the 9/11 museum with family members as they built a ship made using 70 tons of steel from the World Trade Center towers. That started the emotion - while the video was a bit of an advertisement for the shipyard, it was very well done. And the photographs were amazing, and you can see them on the Navy Memorial's website.

The book launch part of the evening went wonderfully, with great words spoken by my classmates and a fantastic answer to a less than ideal question by our illustrious class president. Once the link is up on CSPAN, I'll post it and you can guess which one I'm talking about. I knew that Matt Freeman's mother would be speaking, but I had no idea how hard her words would hit me. I lost it. It was actually kind of embarassing, but luckily my dad was there next to me to hold my hand, and a super nice lady from the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society was on the other side and gave me kleenex. Which I almost needed again at the end of the talk, when my dad prefaced his question with, as a member of the last all-male USNA class, how proud he was of me and the other women that have gone through the Academy. The talk was great, and once again I'm super proud of my classmates.

After the book talk, I had a chance to catch up with classmates, mingle a bit, and speak to both the photographer, C.R. Richardson, and Mrs. Freeman. The photographer, when she spoke, basically said that she didn't have much to add and that she had been honored to get to take the photographs, and she hoped that we all could feel the emotion that she felt as she took the photographs. I made sure to go up to her and tell her that she needn't sell herself short. She may not think she has much to add, but her art is her voice, and I absolutely felt it. I think sometimes people who have little to no connection to the military come into a situation like that and are intimidated, think that well these people are in the military, and I just take pictures. But in reality, those people contribute just as much. Those pictures, or those paintings, or those songs, or whatever they are, those things were, and still are, a lifeline, for me at least. They express feelings and emotions in a way that oftentimes I felt as though I was discouraged from expressing. They provide an outlet, a relief. I couldn't then, and can't even now, find the words to express what I wanted to say to her - and I'm sure the wine that night didn't help either. But I felt it was important to at least try.

Speaking to Mrs. Freeman... oh man. I told her a little bit about how I felt at Matt's funeral, how I had felt as though I had to hold it in there, because if the people that had been closest to him could hold it in, what gave me the right? I almost lost it again telling her that. She is an amazing woman, so strong, and I felt bad that she was the one comforting me.

Even though I was in bed by about 1030 that night and slept pretty well, I was definitely emotionally drained an I was still exhausted when I woke up on Wednesday. It took two 9 hour sleep nights this weekend to finally recover. And I'm happy to report that I got all of my schoolwork in on time, but my social life definitely suffered - I think Matt got a little bored with me :) 

The book is doing wonderfully so far, which is super exciting. The first print sold out on Amazon, and the Chief of Naval Operations added the book to his 2012 reading list. The additional stories are running a little bit behind, but that's OK - they'll be out soon. All of them will be available in the Kindle version of the book, and mine, along with one other, will actually be featured on the website. Its pretty exciting to be a part of this project - I just wish I had done more. And, like I said, its been really awesome to reconnect with some of my classmates from USNA. We're totally different people than we were 10 years ago when we graduated. Well, most of us are anyway. I'm actually looking forward to the reunion in a couple of weeks more than I was, because all of this has reminded me that even the people that I wasn't too fond of while we were at school, or even at the 5 year reunion, have changed and grown up just as I have.

I think the week of 9/11 will always be hard for our generation. We went through a lot that day, and in the days and years since. I think for me it will always feel like yesterday, but so long ago. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to handle watching the footage from that day, or the movies about it. I haven't even been able to go to the memorial here at the Pentagon yet, but I think that I might be just about ready to do that - just not today.

Patriot Week and In The Shadow of Greatness

This week marks the official launch of my Naval Academy Class's Book, In The Shadow of Greatness. I've posted about it several times, and hopefully some of you reading this have had a chance to check it out. We're super excited about the book and everything that is happening with it. We've had some great feedback so far.

In light of the anniversary of 9/11, we're working an effort we're calling Patriot Week - basically this week is an opportunity to reflect on the day our homeland was attacked, take pride in the servicemen and women who defend our way of life, and support veteran charities. One way to do this is to buy a copy of our book. If you go to the book's website you'll find an awesome video about the book and the efforts of Patriot Week (also at the end of this post), information about each of the charities that the book will support, and more information about how to buy it. If you actually buy from one of the charity information pages, all of the proceeds will go to that charity. Otherwise, the proceeds will be split among the charities.

Tom Brokaw has called the book "...a must read for all Americans." An interview with two of the editors is on the Time Magazine website. There are feature stories this week in several newspapers (here's one from the Miami Herald), and multiple radio and TV outlets will be talking about it as well.

Please consider buying a copy of the book - hard copy or E-book. And while all of the charities are awesome, consider supporting the Matthew Freeman project. Again, I've written many times about Matt, and this charity was created by his parents after he died.

Also, my story will be featured in the "additional stories" section of the website, along with about 35 others. They should be up at the end of the week.

Thank you for your support!!

In The Shadow of Greatness, Part 2

I posted a few days ago about my USNA class's book, In The Shadow of Greatness, that is going to be out on 15 August.  I was lucky enough to be able to purchase an advanced copy, and I couldn't put it down. I started it Monday morning on my way to work, and finished it last night. And I have to say, I am so incredibly proud to be able to call myself a member of the US Naval Academy class of 2002. I also fully understand why my story wasn't chosen to make the print edition of the book. The stories that did make it were all better than mine, no question.

Our class was the first to graduate from the Naval Academy after 9/11, and the first to graduate during a time of war in our lifetime. The stories contained in this book include so many different experiences of my classmates since that May day in 2002. We have the last female F-14 pilot, who shared how she was able to live her dream. We have an explosive ordinance disposal officer who lived in real life what was portrayed in the movie The Hurt Locker. We have someone who took advantage of the Blue to Green program (which I almost did myself) and transitioned to the Army, and then had the responsibility of delivering the casualty notifications to families of his soldiers killed in action. We have the first military member to legally marry after the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. We have a classmate who was commissioned into the Air Force and finally found her calling when she got out. We have four stories written by the mothers of classmates who have died since graduation, one of cancer, two in training accidents, and one (which is written by his mother but in his voice) of our only classmate to have been killed in action. And these are just a few of the examples of the stories contained in the book.

Bottom Line: I very highly recommend this book. And not just because I'm biased.

My story will be included on the book's website along with many others that were submitted but didn't make the print edition. They say the goal publication date for those stories is September 11, 2012. Appropriate, I think. I can't wait to read the rest of them.

All profits from the book will go to the U.S. Naval Academy Class of 2002, Inc., a 501(c)(3) (status pending) organization set up exclusively for charitable and education purposes that support education, training, and excellence within the Navy, Marine Corps, and veteran communities. Specific organizations that have been tagged to benefit include The Travis Manion Foundation, The Matt Freeman Project, Run To Honor, the Semper Fi Fund, Mission Continues, and the USMC Scholarship Fund.  It is available for preorder here, here, and here. Also, please go like the book's facebook page.

Where were you?

There's usually at least one major event for which everyone in a generation will remember exactly where they were when it happened, or when they found out it happened. I think for mine, there have been two so far. The first was 9/11, which I've posted about before.  I think the second is the day Osama bin Laden was killed.

It's hard to believe that its already been a year since the person that basically defined so many lives, both personal and professional, since 2001 or before, was found in his compound and taken down by a team of our Navy's finest. I remember exactly where I was when I found out.

It was the last night of the VH1 Best Cruise Ever, put on by the amazing folks at Sixthman, and I was sitting where I spent a lot of time on that cruise, at the blackjack table with my girlfriends. I had been on 4 previous cruises with most of these girls, all Rock Boats, but had somehow never managed to get to know them until this cruise. I was just getting myself back to even when one of our other friends came over and said guys, you won't believe this - we got Osama, and they think we got one of Qaddafi's sons too.

I wasn't really sure what to feel, at first. I was concerned that travelling home the next morning would become difficult due to increased security (luckily, it wasn't too bad). I was worried about retaliatory attacks. My job is to plan for the worst case scenario, so I absolutely immediately go to that. But then, I stopped and realized, holy sh!t, Osama bin Laden is dead. Public Enemy Number One is no longer a threat. Of course, I knew that wasn't the end of the threat of al Qaeda or its sympathizers, but what a huge deal.
A little later that night, after we'd al finished up our blackjack and cashed out, I headed back to my cabin and turned on the news to get the details. I took a picture of the TV with the breaking news alert at the bottom.

For the next few weeks, we all watched and waited to see what would happen. A year later, I think we're still all watching and waiting to see what will happen. And we'll continue to do so, because while the death of its leader was a huge blow to al Qaeda, it wasn't the end. And while they're nowhere close to what they were with him, they sure are trying their best. I was going to have a hard time forgetting that cruise anyway because of the new friends, the amazing music, and the epic sunburn, not to mention the death of Osama.

Is it just me?

As we come up on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, there's more and more recap, if you will, on the news, with specials, newly released photos, and, as I just saw on NBC Nightly News, new tapes of the air traffic controllers talking as they're realizing what's going on.

I don't know about the rest of you, but all of this still FREAKS ME OUT.

There was a "Children of 9/11" special on the other night. I watched about 10 or 15 minutes of it, and had nightmares that night about it happening again. I am fairly certain that the air traffic controller tapes may have the same effect on me tonight.

And NONE of this is helped by the fact that I have to fly on Sunday, the actual 10th anniversary. NOT excited about that.

Thing is, that day was one of the worst days of my, and probably many of your, life. It happened my senior year at the Naval Academy, and completely changed the world that I had signed up to defend.  I almost lost my father - he was supposed to be in a meeting in the section of the Pentagon that was hit. I went to a 9/11 funeral. And I've lost friends and acquaintances in the wars that have resulted from that day. Our world is an entirely different place than it was on the 9th of September 2001.

And there's a homeland security issue out now. NOT OK WITH THIS. Seriously.

Is anyone else as bothered by all this as I am? Please make me feel better...

UPDATE: Thankfully, looks like this homeland security issue is not related to flying. Phew.

And, as my good friend Krissie just said and I totally agree with, I DO NOT, by any means, let the terrorists dictate my life. They DO NOT WIN. But that doesn't mean I don't get the chills or get nervous over all this stuff!! :)