That's how I feel today.
I spend a lot of time at work running around going to meetings. There are a lot of people that ask me questions. My boss takes me with him to meetings because I'm his subject matter expert. Several other people around the Agency get nervous when I'm not at their meetings.
That's what makes the last few days so hard. Wednesday when I came into work I found out that I had, for the 3rd straight quarter, not won the Agency-level employee of the quarter award that my bosses had put me up for. Then, on Thursday, I found out I hadn't won the next level down employee of the quarter type award that my bosses had put me up for. Then today I found out that I had not been approved to attend the leadership development program I'd applied for.
I don't want to sound petty. I really don't. At first, I didn't care all that much. But my first line boss did - he was mad at the first, madder at the 2nd, and really pissed off today. And you know what? I kind of am too. Maybe its combined with this whole pending government shut down thing - Congress will still get paid for not doing their job, but to make a point, they're going to screw the rest of us by not paying us? Please tell me on what planet that makes sense. I'm also still exhausted from last weekend. I think maybe the roll up of everything is just hitting me all at once, and I feel defeated. I don't feel a burning desire to do a whole lot of work now. I feel like going ahead and starting to look for some positions at the next higher level outside of DC a little earlier than planned.
I've never been one for demanding recognition for things - I just want to get the job done. So maybe its just expectation management - maybe I just don't want to know next time I get put up for an award, so I'm not disappointed when I don't get it again. Who knows.
Sigh. I wish that when I got this way I was one of those people who wants to work out, not one of those people who wants to go eat fried deviled eggs and drink beer...
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Mental Health Days
Certain things don't exist in the military. You can't quit. You can't really call in sick. You can't pick your own clothes or decide to randomly change your hair. And you surely can not just take a mental health day.
Which is why yesterday was my very first one. Ever.
Well, sort of. I mean I did, but it wasn't just totally random. We got back from Tallahassee on Monday, leaving a beautiful day of mid 70s and sun to return to cold, rain, and a forecast showing snow and ice over night. Awesome, right? I was already not really looking forward to waking up for work on Tuesday morning because I was so exhausted from the trip, mostly from the 4 hours of sleep I got Saturday night followed by a day of activity. So when I woke up at 4am to an email from OPM (the guys that dictate this sort of thing) saying that the government was open, but with unscheduled leave/telework, I decided to take the unscheduled leave. I would have taken a couple of hours anyway, since our street hadn't been treated yet and there was a good looking layer of ice, but normally I'd have just gone in once they looked OK. But I decided I needed the day, and I took it.
And I did exactly one productive thing. The entire day. I did the dishes. After sleeping until around 10, vegging in bed until nearly noon, and getting lunch at Rustico. Then I spent the rest of the day vegging in my recliner. I did no school work. I did a little unpacking, but nothing major. I did no cooking. I did no cleaning. I did absolutely nothing, and was asleep by 930 last night. And it felt AMAZING.
Now I understand. Sometimes, you just need a day like that...
Which is why yesterday was my very first one. Ever.
Well, sort of. I mean I did, but it wasn't just totally random. We got back from Tallahassee on Monday, leaving a beautiful day of mid 70s and sun to return to cold, rain, and a forecast showing snow and ice over night. Awesome, right? I was already not really looking forward to waking up for work on Tuesday morning because I was so exhausted from the trip, mostly from the 4 hours of sleep I got Saturday night followed by a day of activity. So when I woke up at 4am to an email from OPM (the guys that dictate this sort of thing) saying that the government was open, but with unscheduled leave/telework, I decided to take the unscheduled leave. I would have taken a couple of hours anyway, since our street hadn't been treated yet and there was a good looking layer of ice, but normally I'd have just gone in once they looked OK. But I decided I needed the day, and I took it.
And I did exactly one productive thing. The entire day. I did the dishes. After sleeping until around 10, vegging in bed until nearly noon, and getting lunch at Rustico. Then I spent the rest of the day vegging in my recliner. I did no school work. I did a little unpacking, but nothing major. I did no cooking. I did no cleaning. I did absolutely nothing, and was asleep by 930 last night. And it felt AMAZING.
Now I understand. Sometimes, you just need a day like that...
Monday, February 14, 2011
This is why I love books
I used to be a really avid reader. I taught myself to read at the age of four, and my kindergarten teacher basically let me choose my own reading curriculum because I was so far ahead of my peers. By the time we moved back to the States (middle of my 1st grade year) I had read almost every book on the "up through 4th grade" shelf in my school's library. All the way through high school, I read all the time, because I didn't raelly need to study - school always came pretty easily for me.
When I hit USNA, that all changed. I was too exhausted to read, it would put me to sleep. And for the first time in my life, I didn't really have time to read for pleasure - I had to actually study. This continued through my years in the Navy - once I had my SWO pin, I read some books on deployment, but that was about it. I started reading a bit more when Matt's dad started sending me books, and I did the audiobook thing for a while. When I was unemployed, I read a bit more, but still not as much as I would have liked - I was broke, books aren't cheap! Last fall, though, I decided to get myself a Kindle. I figured if I didn't have to go to the bookstore, maybe I'd read more. Its semi-working :)
A few months back, I joined a Book Club with a few ladies I met through Yelp! The first few books we read were good, but the one we read for this month's meeting absolutely blew me (and the rest of us, based on the discussion we had) away.
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea, by Barbara Demick, is one of the most compelling works of nonfiction I have ever read. Demick, a reporter for the LA Times Seoul bureau, spent several years interviewing North Korean defectors, and profiled six of them for the book. She told their stories factually, with no agenda or attempt to bias a reader one way or the other. She stuck to the facts and the stories, with very little mention of what the average American thinks of North Korea - nuclear weapons. As someone who maintains a fairly tunnel-visioned view of North Korea based on my line of work, I can truly say that I was moved nearly to tears more than once in this book.
I'd forgotten what it was liked to really be moved by a book, to feel such a connection to the characters that you feel as if they're real people. In this book, they really are real people, yet the concept of what life in North Korea is like is so foreign to those of us that have grown up with the benefit of being Americans that it doesn't seem as though its possible. Books like this are why I love reading so much, and reading them makes me miss reading.
Do yourself a favor and get your hands on a copy of Nothing to Envy. Its not super long, and a fairly quick read. It doesn't read like non-fiction, in that the stories are really well told. You can get it on Amazon for under $10, hard copy or Kindle, and you should be able to get it at your local bookstore or library, although I hear a lot of libraries have pretty long waiting lists for it.
When I hit USNA, that all changed. I was too exhausted to read, it would put me to sleep. And for the first time in my life, I didn't really have time to read for pleasure - I had to actually study. This continued through my years in the Navy - once I had my SWO pin, I read some books on deployment, but that was about it. I started reading a bit more when Matt's dad started sending me books, and I did the audiobook thing for a while. When I was unemployed, I read a bit more, but still not as much as I would have liked - I was broke, books aren't cheap! Last fall, though, I decided to get myself a Kindle. I figured if I didn't have to go to the bookstore, maybe I'd read more. Its semi-working :)
A few months back, I joined a Book Club with a few ladies I met through Yelp! The first few books we read were good, but the one we read for this month's meeting absolutely blew me (and the rest of us, based on the discussion we had) away.
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea, by Barbara Demick, is one of the most compelling works of nonfiction I have ever read. Demick, a reporter for the LA Times Seoul bureau, spent several years interviewing North Korean defectors, and profiled six of them for the book. She told their stories factually, with no agenda or attempt to bias a reader one way or the other. She stuck to the facts and the stories, with very little mention of what the average American thinks of North Korea - nuclear weapons. As someone who maintains a fairly tunnel-visioned view of North Korea based on my line of work, I can truly say that I was moved nearly to tears more than once in this book.
I'd forgotten what it was liked to really be moved by a book, to feel such a connection to the characters that you feel as if they're real people. In this book, they really are real people, yet the concept of what life in North Korea is like is so foreign to those of us that have grown up with the benefit of being Americans that it doesn't seem as though its possible. Books like this are why I love reading so much, and reading them makes me miss reading.
Do yourself a favor and get your hands on a copy of Nothing to Envy. Its not super long, and a fairly quick read. It doesn't read like non-fiction, in that the stories are really well told. You can get it on Amazon for under $10, hard copy or Kindle, and you should be able to get it at your local bookstore or library, although I hear a lot of libraries have pretty long waiting lists for it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The State of the Union
Yes, I watched the State of the Union last night, because I am a politics nerd. I'll get that out of the way right up front. I get a kick out of the whole affair, especially now that I'm back in DC.
My first thought was that it was so different seeing Boehner behind the President as compared to Pelosi last year. Where she looked like she was swooning over him the whole time, he looked as though he was trying very hard to look like he cared the whole time. Or like something very large was stuck in his rear end. Either one.
I thought the speech was pretty decent, until the President spoke these words:
Other things I liked: his direct, dead on talk to House Republicans about Health Care reform. I think this might one of the only times I've ever heard the President admit that something he put together and championed could use improvement. I hope that Republicans will take this as an opportunity to work together and fix things, instead of an opportunity to say I told you so and create more vitriol.
Also, the part where he said that if a bill shows up on his desk with lots of earmarks, he'll veto it. This one, I think, is opening up a can of worms, in that it could be used against him later, but I do agree that the earmark thing has gotten out of control. I just don't want to see people adding earmarks to bills, getting them on there because others think the legislation is too important to risk not getting it passed, and then have the President either go back on his word and allow an earmark, or stick to it and not pass an important piece of legislation solely because there's an earmark.
I also liked the mixing of the parties - I feel like that kept the mood of the room a little more civilized. I also felt as though he did a good job of addressing moderates on both sides of the line, as well as independents. Too much of politics these days focuses on the extremes at either end.
A couple of things I didn't like: There were some specifics lacking - lots of big ideas, but no real HOWs. Granted, this probably wasn't the place for them. But still.
Also, I was a little lost near the end of the speech. I felt like he drifted a bit, and while it seemed like he was trying to make the point that we have things we need to fix, he kinda went into "look how much better other countries are than us right now" territory.
All in all, not terrible. But I'd still love a report back on how the job situation should be a challenge instead of discouraging. What? Not gonna happen? I thought not.
My first thought was that it was so different seeing Boehner behind the President as compared to Pelosi last year. Where she looked like she was swooning over him the whole time, he looked as though he was trying very hard to look like he cared the whole time. Or like something very large was stuck in his rear end. Either one.
I thought the speech was pretty decent, until the President spoke these words:
"The competition for jobs is real. But this shouldn’t discourage us. It should challenge us."My first response: How about you go looking for a job for a while, with nothing but $300 in unemployment every week to live on (until it runs out), and come back and let us know how that goes.
Other things I liked: his direct, dead on talk to House Republicans about Health Care reform. I think this might one of the only times I've ever heard the President admit that something he put together and championed could use improvement. I hope that Republicans will take this as an opportunity to work together and fix things, instead of an opportunity to say I told you so and create more vitriol.
Also, the part where he said that if a bill shows up on his desk with lots of earmarks, he'll veto it. This one, I think, is opening up a can of worms, in that it could be used against him later, but I do agree that the earmark thing has gotten out of control. I just don't want to see people adding earmarks to bills, getting them on there because others think the legislation is too important to risk not getting it passed, and then have the President either go back on his word and allow an earmark, or stick to it and not pass an important piece of legislation solely because there's an earmark.
I also liked the mixing of the parties - I feel like that kept the mood of the room a little more civilized. I also felt as though he did a good job of addressing moderates on both sides of the line, as well as independents. Too much of politics these days focuses on the extremes at either end.
A couple of things I didn't like: There were some specifics lacking - lots of big ideas, but no real HOWs. Granted, this probably wasn't the place for them. But still.
Also, I was a little lost near the end of the speech. I felt like he drifted a bit, and while it seemed like he was trying to make the point that we have things we need to fix, he kinda went into "look how much better other countries are than us right now" territory.
All in all, not terrible. But I'd still love a report back on how the job situation should be a challenge instead of discouraging. What? Not gonna happen? I thought not.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Happy birthday, Capt Freeman
As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking about my friend Matt, a Naval Academy classmate and company mate who went on to be a Marine, and was killed in Afghanistan a year and a half ago. Then when I logged on to Facebook this morning I realized it would have been his 31st birthday today. God really does work in mysterious ways....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My thoughts on Tucson
So I've pretty much been sucking at blogging since the end of Reverb10/ New Year's.
I admit it. Without a prompt about what to write, sometimes I just can't think of anything. Other times, I think of things to write but am just too lazy to put the ideas down in words. Or I get distracted by work or school or life in general.
Yes, I understand the above are a bunch of excuses, so ignore them all.
This whole business in Tucson has been weighing on me since it happened. I generally try very hard to do my own research and educate myself about political issues in this country, and I firmly believe that the two parties have moved so far to the extremes of their sides that the general public is being left with nothing to identify with. Do I think Sarah Palin is an idiot for using crosshairs in her graphics? Absolutely. Do I think that there are plenty of Democrats who have consistently used violent words as well? For sure.
There was absolutely ZERO justification for immediately associating this deranged, disturbed gunman with a political movement of any sort. ESPECIALLY not BEFORE the assertion that he was just a messed up kid. Why wasn't that the first thing anyone said? Why do we immediately try to blame it on politicians instead of first saying man, this guy must be a seriously messed up individual to open fire on a crowd at a political speech in a grocery store parking lot at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning?
THAT is the problem. Everything is used against the other side, no matter the legitimacy or the ethics (or lack thereof) involved. The parties are so desperate to make themselves look better, and what better way than to make the other guy look criminal? Politics in the US are in a sad state right now. What will it take to make it better? The prospects kinda scare me.
But here's the other thing about Tucson that bothers me. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME. Gun violence and mass shootings are nothing new. I may be a cynic for saying this, but I have to think that while this still would have made the news, but if it had not been for the fact that a Congressional Representative was involved, it would not have warranted the President or the constant news coverage. Why are flags at half staff for this, but not for the soldiers dying daily overseas? Why not for every child that gets murdered? It doesn't really help with the whole "DC is in a bubble and only cares about its own" idea that I know is out there.
And there are people who want to truly fight reinstating the ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines? Really? And Arizona doesn't think that they should regulate who gets to concealed carry? And nobody thinks any gun control legislation will come out of this event? I'm all about 2nd Amendment rights, but there's a middle ground here, one that makes sense. I wish, for once, Congress would dispel with the politics and actually DO THEIR JOBS, which are to look out for the well being of their constituents.
OK, I'm all done ranting about all this now (and sorry if it doesn't all make sense, but I don't go back and edit posts like this. It's kinda the point, right?). What a damn mess this was. I truly do feel for those who lost loved ones, and wish those recovering, including Rep Giffords, the absolute best. Let's learn from this and make something good come out of it. Please.
I admit it. Without a prompt about what to write, sometimes I just can't think of anything. Other times, I think of things to write but am just too lazy to put the ideas down in words. Or I get distracted by work or school or life in general.
Yes, I understand the above are a bunch of excuses, so ignore them all.
This whole business in Tucson has been weighing on me since it happened. I generally try very hard to do my own research and educate myself about political issues in this country, and I firmly believe that the two parties have moved so far to the extremes of their sides that the general public is being left with nothing to identify with. Do I think Sarah Palin is an idiot for using crosshairs in her graphics? Absolutely. Do I think that there are plenty of Democrats who have consistently used violent words as well? For sure.
There was absolutely ZERO justification for immediately associating this deranged, disturbed gunman with a political movement of any sort. ESPECIALLY not BEFORE the assertion that he was just a messed up kid. Why wasn't that the first thing anyone said? Why do we immediately try to blame it on politicians instead of first saying man, this guy must be a seriously messed up individual to open fire on a crowd at a political speech in a grocery store parking lot at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning?
THAT is the problem. Everything is used against the other side, no matter the legitimacy or the ethics (or lack thereof) involved. The parties are so desperate to make themselves look better, and what better way than to make the other guy look criminal? Politics in the US are in a sad state right now. What will it take to make it better? The prospects kinda scare me.
But here's the other thing about Tucson that bothers me. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME. Gun violence and mass shootings are nothing new. I may be a cynic for saying this, but I have to think that while this still would have made the news, but if it had not been for the fact that a Congressional Representative was involved, it would not have warranted the President or the constant news coverage. Why are flags at half staff for this, but not for the soldiers dying daily overseas? Why not for every child that gets murdered? It doesn't really help with the whole "DC is in a bubble and only cares about its own" idea that I know is out there.
And there are people who want to truly fight reinstating the ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines? Really? And Arizona doesn't think that they should regulate who gets to concealed carry? And nobody thinks any gun control legislation will come out of this event? I'm all about 2nd Amendment rights, but there's a middle ground here, one that makes sense. I wish, for once, Congress would dispel with the politics and actually DO THEIR JOBS, which are to look out for the well being of their constituents.
OK, I'm all done ranting about all this now (and sorry if it doesn't all make sense, but I don't go back and edit posts like this. It's kinda the point, right?). What a damn mess this was. I truly do feel for those who lost loved ones, and wish those recovering, including Rep Giffords, the absolute best. Let's learn from this and make something good come out of it. Please.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
#Reverb10, The Last
The Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
I waited until today to do this final Reverb10 post sort of on purpose. I knew yesterday I needed to think about it, and I just didn't get back to it. However, even after thinking about it, I just don't think I like this final prompt. The bonus part is easy - I've been talking the whole time about the common threads in the posts that I've been finding, but the central story at the core of me? I think my tag line on my blog pretty much says it all - I'm a former Sailor, now government employee, and music lover. Sometimes I just need an outlet.
I waited until today to do this final Reverb10 post sort of on purpose. I knew yesterday I needed to think about it, and I just didn't get back to it. However, even after thinking about it, I just don't think I like this final prompt. The bonus part is easy - I've been talking the whole time about the common threads in the posts that I've been finding, but the central story at the core of me? I think my tag line on my blog pretty much says it all - I'm a former Sailor, now government employee, and music lover. Sometimes I just need an outlet.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
#Reverb10 December 30th (aka, we're almost done!)
The Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
There's no way that I CAN'T revert back to the one thing that's been huge in this entire project - Matt making the move from Atlanta to DC. To me, that was an emotional gift of commitment. Our relationship wasn't going very well a year ago - we were fighting a lot, we were both unemployed, we weren't sure what was going to be happening because it was looking like the job in DC was going to happen, and he wasn't ready to go yet. But when he finally did make the decision, it was amazing.
Things settled out in the time we were long distance. The longest we went without seeing each other was 3 months, and it was ridiculously hard, but once we were back together, it just grew from there. Even though he's had a little bit of trouble with some of the more traditional commitment things (and he'll be the first to admit it), making that move, to a place where he pretty much had nothing except for me, was the best gift I could have received this year.
There's no way that I CAN'T revert back to the one thing that's been huge in this entire project - Matt making the move from Atlanta to DC. To me, that was an emotional gift of commitment. Our relationship wasn't going very well a year ago - we were fighting a lot, we were both unemployed, we weren't sure what was going to be happening because it was looking like the job in DC was going to happen, and he wasn't ready to go yet. But when he finally did make the decision, it was amazing.
Things settled out in the time we were long distance. The longest we went without seeing each other was 3 months, and it was ridiculously hard, but once we were back together, it just grew from there. Even though he's had a little bit of trouble with some of the more traditional commitment things (and he'll be the first to admit it), making that move, to a place where he pretty much had nothing except for me, was the best gift I could have received this year.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
#Reverb10 December 29th
The Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
I'm pretty sure that my defining series of events this year include moving back to DC, starting the new job, Matt moving up, and restarting my masters program. But except for the masters program, I've already talked about most of them at length in this project, so I'll just stick with that one.
When I was in DC on active duty a few years back, and I had my first evaluation with the big boss, he asked me if I had started my masters yet. I said no, and he asked why, and I didn't really have a good reason. I mean, I didn't really have a good reason TO start either, since I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. But I knew I didn't want to deal with the GRE, or any of the other tests, or take out any loans, or use any tuition assistance that would mean I owed additional time in the Navy. He told me I needed to work on my masters while I was on shore duty, so I did some research, found an accredited online program that I could afford, and got to work. I took 3 classes before I got out and ran out of money, and finally just got all of my GI bill paperwork done and can afford to pay for the rest of it. So I'm back to work, and as much of a pain in the neck it is, I'm glad to be doing it. It will absolutely help me with the job progression, and most of the other people in my office, even the young ones, have masters degrees. So go me!
I'm pretty sure that my defining series of events this year include moving back to DC, starting the new job, Matt moving up, and restarting my masters program. But except for the masters program, I've already talked about most of them at length in this project, so I'll just stick with that one.
When I was in DC on active duty a few years back, and I had my first evaluation with the big boss, he asked me if I had started my masters yet. I said no, and he asked why, and I didn't really have a good reason. I mean, I didn't really have a good reason TO start either, since I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. But I knew I didn't want to deal with the GRE, or any of the other tests, or take out any loans, or use any tuition assistance that would mean I owed additional time in the Navy. He told me I needed to work on my masters while I was on shore duty, so I did some research, found an accredited online program that I could afford, and got to work. I took 3 classes before I got out and ran out of money, and finally just got all of my GI bill paperwork done and can afford to pay for the rest of it. So I'm back to work, and as much of a pain in the neck it is, I'm glad to be doing it. It will absolutely help me with the job progression, and most of the other people in my office, even the young ones, have masters degrees. So go me!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
#Reverb10 December 28th
The Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
This seems very very similar to the prompt from the 18th. But I committed to finishing this project so I will, dammit!!
There are a few things I want to achieve in 2011. But lets stick with the one I already mentioned, that I want to take a significant chunk out of my credit card debt. I think it will give me a feeling of freedom, and lift a burden off of my shoulders, getting rid of some of the financial stress that I've felt over the past couple of years when my situation wasn't ideal.
As far as getting that feeling today, I mean, that's not really going to happen today. It won't happen until I get it done. However, it helps me to really think about the plan that I have to make it happen, so here are the things I'm going to do to get there:
1. My mortgage interest rate just reset, and so my payment has gone down nearly $260. That $260 is going straight onto credit cards, in addition to the payments I was already planning on making. First, I will be paying off a store card that I am paying way too much interest on, but was good for buying work clothes when I first moved back.
2. My car will paid off very soon, July I think. Once that is done, that $320 will be going onto credit cards every month. Most likely it will go first onto the regular card on which I have the higher balance, which also has the higher interest rate. It will take a while to put a good dent into it, but I will be patient.
3. I will be cutting down on unnecessary expenditures and putting at least the minimum payment plus any charges incurred that month on my cards, so that every month the balance is going down.
4. I will not be using my credit cards at all, except for purchases where I can immediately put the payment on to it. The only reason I will do this is for the rewards points on my Visa - those iTunes gift cards I accumulate are a nice thing to get! But there will be no purchases without immediate payments.
I know that's not 10 things, but its 4 solid things that will make my life easier, and bring me closer to my goal.
Oh, and the other thing I want to do - record at least a 4 song demo with Matt of music we write together. We're both too talented to not be working together, and we have the capability now to get it done.
This seems very very similar to the prompt from the 18th. But I committed to finishing this project so I will, dammit!!
There are a few things I want to achieve in 2011. But lets stick with the one I already mentioned, that I want to take a significant chunk out of my credit card debt. I think it will give me a feeling of freedom, and lift a burden off of my shoulders, getting rid of some of the financial stress that I've felt over the past couple of years when my situation wasn't ideal.
As far as getting that feeling today, I mean, that's not really going to happen today. It won't happen until I get it done. However, it helps me to really think about the plan that I have to make it happen, so here are the things I'm going to do to get there:
1. My mortgage interest rate just reset, and so my payment has gone down nearly $260. That $260 is going straight onto credit cards, in addition to the payments I was already planning on making. First, I will be paying off a store card that I am paying way too much interest on, but was good for buying work clothes when I first moved back.
2. My car will paid off very soon, July I think. Once that is done, that $320 will be going onto credit cards every month. Most likely it will go first onto the regular card on which I have the higher balance, which also has the higher interest rate. It will take a while to put a good dent into it, but I will be patient.
3. I will be cutting down on unnecessary expenditures and putting at least the minimum payment plus any charges incurred that month on my cards, so that every month the balance is going down.
4. I will not be using my credit cards at all, except for purchases where I can immediately put the payment on to it. The only reason I will do this is for the rewards points on my Visa - those iTunes gift cards I accumulate are a nice thing to get! But there will be no purchases without immediate payments.
I know that's not 10 things, but its 4 solid things that will make my life easier, and bring me closer to my goal.
Oh, and the other thing I want to do - record at least a 4 song demo with Matt of music we write together. We're both too talented to not be working together, and we have the capability now to get it done.
Monday, December 27, 2010
#Reverb10 December 27th
The Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
Didn't we already do this one? Wasn't there a prompt about the best moment of the year? I would say the exact same thing, except for this one thing that happened yesterday...
Yesterday, for the first time in a really long time, I wrote again. A friend of Matt's came over last night to jam, and I ended up sitting with them just listening, and suddenly I was inspired in a way that I had not been in a really long time. A front was passing by, and I looked up at the sky and saw the line where the clouds ended and the clear sky began, and it was late afternoon so the colors of the sunset were starting, and the contrast between the two just reminded me of life a year ago and life now, and where Matt and I were and are now. And I just started writing. And it felt amazing! This ordinary moment of sitting in this amazing house, on the day after Christmas, with a glass (well, a Christmas paper cup really - classy, right?) of wine, and listening to two amazingly talented men play their guitars... It was just the inspiration I needed.
Didn't we already do this one? Wasn't there a prompt about the best moment of the year? I would say the exact same thing, except for this one thing that happened yesterday...
Yesterday, for the first time in a really long time, I wrote again. A friend of Matt's came over last night to jam, and I ended up sitting with them just listening, and suddenly I was inspired in a way that I had not been in a really long time. A front was passing by, and I looked up at the sky and saw the line where the clouds ended and the clear sky began, and it was late afternoon so the colors of the sunset were starting, and the contrast between the two just reminded me of life a year ago and life now, and where Matt and I were and are now. And I just started writing. And it felt amazing! This ordinary moment of sitting in this amazing house, on the day after Christmas, with a glass (well, a Christmas paper cup really - classy, right?) of wine, and listening to two amazingly talented men play their guitars... It was just the inspiration I needed.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
#Reverb10 December 26th
The Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
A few months back, Matt and I made a trip to Eastern Market and picked up some steaks. Those steaks were absolutely the best meal I ate this year - the meat just melted in my mouth, and when it was gone, I was sad because I wanted there to be more. It was amazing. I have nothing else to add to this - that steak was the best meal I've had in years, and the most memorable meal I ate in 2010.
A few months back, Matt and I made a trip to Eastern Market and picked up some steaks. Those steaks were absolutely the best meal I ate this year - the meat just melted in my mouth, and when it was gone, I was sad because I wanted there to be more. It was amazing. I have nothing else to add to this - that steak was the best meal I've had in years, and the most memorable meal I ate in 2010.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
#Reverb10 Christmas Day
The Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
I just love this picture. It was taken July 3rd, in Chapel Hill, NC by Matt's best friend's wife on their back porch. I was so happy, because Matt was finally making the move. It doesn't reveal anything, really, but it was a happy weekend, and it was the start of the new life together in DC :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas Eve, and #Reverb10
The Prompt: Everything's OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
The day that Matt made the move, for real. When we actually pulled up to the building with his truck full of stuff. And he changed his address, and changed his car registration, and made it all official.
As far as incorporating that discovery.... well, it wasn't really a discovery as much as a HUGE sigh of relief. I won't take it for granted, though. That's for sure.
In other news, we're enjoying a fantastically relaxing holiday here at the farm in Tallahassee. The farm is super relaxing, and everything is amazing, except for the part where we still don't have our luggage. It should be showing up today though... cross your fingers! Pictures of the land will follow in a couple of days. This place is absolutely amazing.
I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas Eve and Christmas!
The day that Matt made the move, for real. When we actually pulled up to the building with his truck full of stuff. And he changed his address, and changed his car registration, and made it all official.
As far as incorporating that discovery.... well, it wasn't really a discovery as much as a HUGE sigh of relief. I won't take it for granted, though. That's for sure.
In other news, we're enjoying a fantastically relaxing holiday here at the farm in Tallahassee. The farm is super relaxing, and everything is amazing, except for the part where we still don't have our luggage. It should be showing up today though... cross your fingers! Pictures of the land will follow in a couple of days. This place is absolutely amazing.
I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas Eve and Christmas!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
#Reverb10 December 23rd
The Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
I used to do this all the time, when strange men asked me my name in a bar and I thought they were creepy, I told them my name was Amanda.
When I was a kid I wanted to change my name. I wanted it to be something fun, something different. Nothing strange - I wasn't looking to be named Apple or Coco or Ryder or Brooklyn or any of these other names celebrities seem to think are OK to give a helpless child. People, have you ever heard of the 3rd grader test? Take the name you want to give your child out to a playground full of 3rd graders, and tell it to them. If they immediately find was to make fun of it, FORGET THE NAME.
I thought my name was boring. I wanted to be Emma, or Allison, or go by my middle name (which is Lynn. Still kinda boring, but not a very common first name.) Brittany (after the Chipette, thank you very much) was another popular choice. I wanted to be the only person someone knew with my name. But as I've gotten older, I've grown to love my name, and appreciate it for what it is. Its a solid, old name that people can pronounce and spell. The classic spelling has been good to me. At one point on my first ship there were three of us - me, Rebekah (also classic, you see that fairly frequently), and Rabeka. I'm not even kidding. It was spelled that way. Creativity fail.
So these days, I wouldn't want to introduce myself by a different name. At least not first name. Getting rid of the last name though, that's a whole other thing...
I used to do this all the time, when strange men asked me my name in a bar and I thought they were creepy, I told them my name was Amanda.
When I was a kid I wanted to change my name. I wanted it to be something fun, something different. Nothing strange - I wasn't looking to be named Apple or Coco or Ryder or Brooklyn or any of these other names celebrities seem to think are OK to give a helpless child. People, have you ever heard of the 3rd grader test? Take the name you want to give your child out to a playground full of 3rd graders, and tell it to them. If they immediately find was to make fun of it, FORGET THE NAME.
I thought my name was boring. I wanted to be Emma, or Allison, or go by my middle name (which is Lynn. Still kinda boring, but not a very common first name.) Brittany (after the Chipette, thank you very much) was another popular choice. I wanted to be the only person someone knew with my name. But as I've gotten older, I've grown to love my name, and appreciate it for what it is. Its a solid, old name that people can pronounce and spell. The classic spelling has been good to me. At one point on my first ship there were three of us - me, Rebekah (also classic, you see that fairly frequently), and Rabeka. I'm not even kidding. It was spelled that way. Creativity fail.
So these days, I wouldn't want to introduce myself by a different name. At least not first name. Getting rid of the last name though, that's a whole other thing...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
#Reverb 10 December 22nd
The Prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
This year most of my travel was either the move or work related. In January, we did the Rock Boat, which went to somewhere in Mexico, but it was cold and rainy so we didn't even get off the boat. We did, however, get to spend some time in Anna Maria Island, FL at Matt's Aunt and Uncle's house. That place was AWESOME, except freezing. I'd love to go back when its warmer. For work I went to Northern MD (not that exciting), twice to Colorado Springs (not bad at all), and once to San Diego (where it rained the ENTIRE time). I've taken trips to Atlanta and New Hampshire for weddings, but those were just long weekends. And for the holidays we're headed to Florida.
In 2011, though, I want to take a TRIP. Not just a trip. A TRIP. I wanted to go to Europe, but that might have to wait til 2012. We've already got another Tallahassee trip scheduled for February for yet another wedding. Otherwise, though, I think its going to just be a see how it goes kind of year. I want to do more travel though. Maybe I can get a trip somewhere exciting through work...
This year most of my travel was either the move or work related. In January, we did the Rock Boat, which went to somewhere in Mexico, but it was cold and rainy so we didn't even get off the boat. We did, however, get to spend some time in Anna Maria Island, FL at Matt's Aunt and Uncle's house. That place was AWESOME, except freezing. I'd love to go back when its warmer. For work I went to Northern MD (not that exciting), twice to Colorado Springs (not bad at all), and once to San Diego (where it rained the ENTIRE time). I've taken trips to Atlanta and New Hampshire for weddings, but those were just long weekends. And for the holidays we're headed to Florida.
In 2011, though, I want to take a TRIP. Not just a trip. A TRIP. I wanted to go to Europe, but that might have to wait til 2012. We've already got another Tallahassee trip scheduled for February for yet another wedding. Otherwise, though, I think its going to just be a see how it goes kind of year. I want to do more travel though. Maybe I can get a trip somewhere exciting through work...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
#Reverb10 December 21st
The Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
Wait, what? How am I supposed to imagine myself 5 years in the future and give me advice for this year?? This makes no sense. Therefore, I'm not doing it. I mean really. If I'm trying to figure out NEXT year, how the hell am I supposed to figure out 5 years from now too? Dumb.
However, I DO like the Bonus piece, so let's focus on that one.
Dear 20 year old Me,
The year 2001 is going to be something else. You don't know it yet, but 2000 was the last year of life as you know it.
You know how things have been sucking with the boyfriend for a while? Just get over it and get rid of him now. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache in a few months. Take control, and do it your way. Don't let him, or any other guy for that matter, have that much control over your life and your feelings every again.
Take Ring Dance with a grain of salt. Have fun, but don't take it too seriously. And again, do NOT let a guy control your life or emotions or direction.
Beware for shady guys this summer - especially really tall, really skinny ones. They're just no good. STAY AWAY.
Your friends are the most important thing on the planet. DO NOT SCREW UP the friendships that mean the most to you. Do everything in your power to fix the ones that are on the rocks.
In about 9 months, things are going to change forever. The reasons you signed that 2 for 7 paper a few weeks ago will change drastically. The world will be a different place, and it will never go back to how it was. Enjoy the first 9 months of this year, and appreciate the small things.
Be yourself. Figure out who that is, because I know you're not sure yet. Make the decisions that you need to make, and make them for yourself. You are the only one who controls your life and your destiny, and don't let anyone else try.
Love,
30 year old me
Wait, what? How am I supposed to imagine myself 5 years in the future and give me advice for this year?? This makes no sense. Therefore, I'm not doing it. I mean really. If I'm trying to figure out NEXT year, how the hell am I supposed to figure out 5 years from now too? Dumb.
However, I DO like the Bonus piece, so let's focus on that one.
Dear 20 year old Me,
The year 2001 is going to be something else. You don't know it yet, but 2000 was the last year of life as you know it.
You know how things have been sucking with the boyfriend for a while? Just get over it and get rid of him now. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache in a few months. Take control, and do it your way. Don't let him, or any other guy for that matter, have that much control over your life and your feelings every again.
Take Ring Dance with a grain of salt. Have fun, but don't take it too seriously. And again, do NOT let a guy control your life or emotions or direction.
Beware for shady guys this summer - especially really tall, really skinny ones. They're just no good. STAY AWAY.
Your friends are the most important thing on the planet. DO NOT SCREW UP the friendships that mean the most to you. Do everything in your power to fix the ones that are on the rocks.
In about 9 months, things are going to change forever. The reasons you signed that 2 for 7 paper a few weeks ago will change drastically. The world will be a different place, and it will never go back to how it was. Enjoy the first 9 months of this year, and appreciate the small things.
Be yourself. Figure out who that is, because I know you're not sure yet. Make the decisions that you need to make, and make them for yourself. You are the only one who controls your life and your destiny, and don't let anyone else try.
Love,
30 year old me
Monday, December 20, 2010
#Reverb10 December 20th
The Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
I should have started writing songs again this year. I've really let music go to the back burner over the past couple of years, and I've had a really hard time picking it back. Which is really quite silly, because it used to be such a constant. I keep talking about it, and saying I'm going to do it, and thinking about doing it, but I never actually do it. I don't know what the block is, but I need to get rid of it.
And yes, I plan on doing it. First step: remembering to put my song notebook that I used to always have with me back in my purse. If I remember when I get home.
I should have started writing songs again this year. I've really let music go to the back burner over the past couple of years, and I've had a really hard time picking it back. Which is really quite silly, because it used to be such a constant. I keep talking about it, and saying I'm going to do it, and thinking about doing it, but I never actually do it. I don't know what the block is, but I need to get rid of it.
And yes, I plan on doing it. First step: remembering to put my song notebook that I used to always have with me back in my purse. If I remember when I get home.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
#Reverb10 December 19th
The Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
Oh hey, there's that theme again :)
My healing this year has been in 2 parts. First of all, getting the job up here and being able to live my life again. I'm not stressing about paying my bills (although I've held onto my OCD money tracking ways, but that's not a bad thing), and I'm able to go out and enjoy myself, and I'm slowly but surely paying down the credit cards. This part was pretty sudden - within 2 months of getting that first paycheck, things were back on track, and they've just gotten better and better ever since - I'm like a new person :)
Part 2 was when Matt finally moved up here with me. Our relationship went through some tough times at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, to the point where I wasn't sure we were going to make it. But he came up, and we've healed those wounds, and we're growing stronger all the time. This part went a little slower, but that's OK - I think that's how its supposed to be.
I'm feeling pretty good about going out of 2011 - I feel like my life is in a good place, and I'm happier than I've been in a long time. The things I'd like to be healed from are my laziness, and my fatness! I lost a ton of weight a few years ago, and I gained all of it plus some back when I was unemployed and stressed and depressed. I've gotten rid of the plus some, and I now I'd like to be healed from the rest, please!
Oh hey, there's that theme again :)
My healing this year has been in 2 parts. First of all, getting the job up here and being able to live my life again. I'm not stressing about paying my bills (although I've held onto my OCD money tracking ways, but that's not a bad thing), and I'm able to go out and enjoy myself, and I'm slowly but surely paying down the credit cards. This part was pretty sudden - within 2 months of getting that first paycheck, things were back on track, and they've just gotten better and better ever since - I'm like a new person :)
Part 2 was when Matt finally moved up here with me. Our relationship went through some tough times at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, to the point where I wasn't sure we were going to make it. But he came up, and we've healed those wounds, and we're growing stronger all the time. This part went a little slower, but that's OK - I think that's how its supposed to be.
I'm feeling pretty good about going out of 2011 - I feel like my life is in a good place, and I'm happier than I've been in a long time. The things I'd like to be healed from are my laziness, and my fatness! I lost a ton of weight a few years ago, and I gained all of it plus some back when I was unemployed and stressed and depressed. I've gotten rid of the plus some, and I now I'd like to be healed from the rest, please!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
#Reverb 10 December 18th
The Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?
I want to try to pay off my credit cards in 2011. This year, my mortgage's rate reset so my payment is much lower, and my car will be paid off, and I will get a raise in February. I want to put most of that money towards my credit cards and get them at least to a more manageable level - get rid of the debt I accumulated between the time I had no tenant in my house, the not-so-smart long distance "relationship" I was in, and the time in Atlanta when I wasn't getting paid much / when I was unemployed. I think its entirely feasible to get my cards WAY down in 2011, and I see no reason why a year from now I can't be almost credit-card-debt-free.
There wasn't a whole lot I wanted to try in 2010 - for me it was about that renewal that I mentioned on the 1st - getting my life back to normal and becoming me again. So perhaps that was trying something, and I succeeded. I'm back to a newer normal me :)
I want to try to pay off my credit cards in 2011. This year, my mortgage's rate reset so my payment is much lower, and my car will be paid off, and I will get a raise in February. I want to put most of that money towards my credit cards and get them at least to a more manageable level - get rid of the debt I accumulated between the time I had no tenant in my house, the not-so-smart long distance "relationship" I was in, and the time in Atlanta when I wasn't getting paid much / when I was unemployed. I think its entirely feasible to get my cards WAY down in 2011, and I see no reason why a year from now I can't be almost credit-card-debt-free.
There wasn't a whole lot I wanted to try in 2010 - for me it was about that renewal that I mentioned on the 1st - getting my life back to normal and becoming me again. So perhaps that was trying something, and I succeeded. I'm back to a newer normal me :)
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