Thirty Days of Truth, Days 27 and 28

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Oh man... life in general is going pretty well right now, especially when compared to this time last year. I am SO thankful to have found a good job, and to have made it through the tough times of last year, and to have Matt with me through it all. I'd say life in general is the best thing going for me right now!

Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do? 
Get on with it. I mean yes, it would be a big deal. And yes, it would totally throw things off. But I'm not 16. It wouldn't be the end of my world. It would just be an adjustment. Not one I want to make right now, though, thank you very much.

Thirty Days of Truth, Days 25 and 26

Gonna try to catch up a little here, which means two for one today!

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today. 
Well, I'm not sure there's any reason that I wouldn't be, to be honest.  I had strict parents who pretty much prevented me from making dumb decisions in high school that might have gotten me killed. I went to a military academy for college, which meant that my hand was held pretty much all the time. When I got out, I didn't do anything stupid. I got lucky driving when I was way too tired a few times over the years, but there's never been a situation where I can look back and say man, I'm lucky I got out of that alive.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Wow, morbid much question creators? No, I've never thought about giving up on life. I had some of the typical teenager life sucks thoughts, but I have never in my life thought about ending it all. I know I'm lucky, and I have a good life and family and friends who love me and care about me. As much as I've wished things could change or be different through the years, I've NEVER thought about giving up.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 24

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
I've been sitting on this for nearly 24 hours now, trying to decide how to make this one work. I think I've just about got it, but slightly modified.

Dear (Insert name of almost any ex who broke my heart at one point or another over the years here),

This is just to let you know how I've been doing in the years since you broke my heart. In a nutshell, I couldn't be happier with how things turned out. Hope life's been as good to you.

Love,
Me

1. When A Heart Breaks - Dave Barnes
2. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
3. Gotta Get Over You - Aslyn
4. Anyway - Amy Gerhartz
5. Speed Feels Better - Michael Tolcher
6. Where The Boat Leaves From - Zac Brown Band
7. I Do - Better Than Ezra
8. Hot Summer Night - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
9. Sword and Shield - Sister Hazel
10. Simple As It Should Be - Tristan Prettyman

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 23

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
I wish I had done more of the toursity stuff when I lived in Paris after USNA! I spent 2 months taking classes and then interning at the Embassy, and never went to Versailles, or Provence, or Givenchy. I did the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and a dinner cruise on the Seine. And as much as I enjoyed being a "local" and doing local-ish things, I wish now that I had done more of the touristy stuff too. There's so much history over there, and so many neat things. Maybe I just thought I'd be back over there sooner (I haven't been back since, and that was in 2002). I don't know. Next time, no such thing. I'm touristing it up!

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 22

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Honestly, I'm not sure about this one. At first I wanted to say "moved to Atlanta after getting out of the Navy." But while that wasn't the greatest experience for me career wise, I will never wonder "what-if," and oh by the way I wouldn't have met the man that I plan on spending the rest of my life with. (Cheesy, yes, but true.)  Then I thought maybe I'd say "stayed in the Navy when I could have gotten out in 2005," but then I wouldn't have made it to where I am now career wise, and oh by the way wouldn't have moved to Atlanta and met Matt, etc. Everything that's happened in my life has led me to where I am today. I mean, I guess I could say I wish I hadn't had that extra glass of wine the other night, or I wish I hadn't slept in instead of going to the gym all those days. But those are really the only types of things I can think of - trivial things that don't really matter all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Thirty Days of Truth - Day 20

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol

Drugs: Just say no. Unless a doctor is prescribing it or its legally available over the counter, I don't want anything to do with it, no matter how organic it may be or how much it really does help. Primarily because I don't need to lose my (random drug testing could happen at any time) solid job.

Alcohol: I like beer, and I like wine, and I even like the occasional cocktail. But I rarely get drunk, and I rarely drink more than two or three drinks - standard is a glass of wine in the evening. OK, yes, occasionally I will go out DRINKING. But I know my limits and know at what point I need to stop or when its OK to keep drinking, and 99% of the time I stick to those limits like glue. I do my absolute best to not make an ass of myself.

Thirty Days of Truth Day 19

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I think I'm gonna go with politics on this one, especially after my long-winded rant yesterday.

I think politics in this country has the potential to be amazing. However, I think that because the two parties seem to have moved so far to the extreme on their respective sides, politics is no longer relevant to a large majority of Americans. I heard too many times in recent years that people either didn't vote because they didn't like any of the candidates, or voted for someone not because they agreed with their stance on the issues or liked them as a candidate but because they disagreed with them less or disliked them less. That's just sad to me, and I don't think this is what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they set up our political system so many years ago.

I think part of why this happens is just lack of education on our political process and how things work. Voter turnout is always significantly lower in primaries than it is general elections. Why is this? I'd bargain that a big part of it is just that people don't understand the process. Why have certain groups been able to consistently and successfully promulgate a message filled with disinformation and fear? Because people don't do their own research and educate themselves. And if people keep believing them, and their method is letting their candidates win, why should they stop?

I don't know the answers, obviously. But I wish someone did and could make it happen!!

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 18

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage
Warning: this is a bit of rant. I apologize in advance!

To do this military style... here's the BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front): My stance on gay marriage is that there's no reason why they shouldn't have all of the legal benefits of marriage that straight couples have, but the church part needs to be left up to the church. Separation of church and state and all that.

Now, the long explanation of the above. The rant portion, if you will.

There are two different aspects to marriage that people seem to want to mix into one. You can't just walk into a church and get married without doing the legal bits. Most churches are able to do those for you - its a nice little arrangement states have made with them (and I'm not against taking them out and separating them entirely- maybe that would help folks understand better that church and legal marriage are not the same thing). Without the legal bits, its just a symbolic church wedding and not a legally recognized one. You need that license and whatnot to be able to get the benefits, change your driver's license, and all those other fun things you do after you get married. In my mind, there is ZERO reason why a gay couple shouldn't be able to do all the legal bits. I have not heard a single argument against gay marriage that doesn't come down to something religious, and the US doesn't legislate religion, therefore the US shouldn't legislate legal marriage.

The church part is a little different. I can understand why churches that do not believe in homosexuality don't want to perform homosexual marriages. And the whole part where we don't legislate religion, I think it applies here too. I was raised Catholic, so I'll speak of what I know.  The Catholic church can refuse to marry a couple where one person is not Catholic unless they complete a whole bunch of counseling and promise to raise children Catholic and I'm sure, in some parishes, there are even more reasons. The Mormons won't even let you in to the Temple for the wedding if you're not Mormon, much less let someone get married in there who isn't. And nobody is making huge public outcries over these conditions - they're pretty well accepted. And I think you'd be hard pressed to find a case where two Satanists went to a Baptist Church wanting to get married, much less filed a lawsuit when the Baptists wouldn't do it. 

Gay marriage advocates have compared the fight for gay marriage rights to the fight for interracial marriage rights. I agree with them on the legal stance - its a very similar fight. However, for the most part, there was not the religious intolerance of interracial marriage for nearly as long as there was the legal intolerance - when the anti-miscegination laws were finally struck down in the US, most of the major denominations in this country were already willing to perform interracial marriages, and in some cases actually were doing so. The interracial marriage advocates had the support of religion, for the most part. The gay marriage advocates do not.

The first Americans left England to escape exactly what the religious right / conservative christians  / anti-gay marriage / call them what you will are trying to advocate for. They were persecuted for their beliefs by a government that let the Church make the rules. The Freedom of Religion granted all Americans by the Constitution means that no religion gets to make the rules. So why are they trying so hard, and, even more concerning, why are we letting them? If two people love each other and want to be legally bound, why are we stopping them? A healthy, loving, committed relationship is never a bad thing. Of all of my friends who have gotten married over the years, a large majority are no longer together. When I think about strong marriages among my friends, the one that comes to mind, first and foremost, is my friend from the Day 3 post, who was married to his husband in Canada 6 or 7 years ago (I think? Can't remember for sure, but re-read the post, we haven't been that close for a while) and have been together for 10. Why can't their marriage be recognized legally no matter where they go in the US? I'd rather see them get that recognition and benefits than half of the straight marriages I see on a regular basis!! The fact that this group of Americans is fighting so hard for something that so many take for granted and take less than seriously should mean something - why not let them have the same option?

Sigh... I get worked up over this.  Give me a good, solid argument against gay marriage that is not at all based on religion, and we can have a real debate. But I have yet to hear one. And that just reinforces my frustration with politics in this country.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 17

Yes, I am fully aware that I have been sucking at this 30 day challenge thing. Its taking me way longer than 30 days to complete, but I'm going to do it dammit!! So we continue...

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
I had a really hard time coming up with the right answer to this one, as I generally don't read a ton of non-fiction. I read Meghan McCain's Dirty Sexy Politics recently, but it was just a fun read as I generally am on the same page with Meghan on a lot of things and read her blog from pretty early on, so much of it wasn't all that new. Although it was interesting to hear some of her thoughts on the Palins.

But I just finished Molly Ringwald's Getting the Pretty Back, and I'm not gonna lie - I was expecting a bit of a memoir, but it turned out to be a sort of advice for when you turn 40 book, and it kinda changed my views on Molly Ringwald. I've always loved her - what girl who has ever seen The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles or Pretty in Pink doesn't? I even still love her on that stupid TV show she's on now, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and blame her for my inability to stop watching it. But her book kinda bummed me out - really? An advice book? What makes her think she can give advice? She's an actress, not a shrink/parenting expert/etc - although she did consult with several professionals in the writing of the book. So I guess she's kind of ruined for me as a result. Sad, right?

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 16

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
I could definitely live without housework. I love having a clean house, but I HATE doing the work. I could absolutely be on board with having a housekeeper/cleaning lady/maid service/whatever if I could afford to spend the money on it. Because housework BLOWS. Vaccuuming sucks, cleaning the bathrooms is horrible, and dusting makes me sneeze.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 15

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it


This one's easy. Music, hands down.


Plebe year at the Naval Academy, we weren't allowed to have music. No stereo, no walkman, no mp3s (they searched our computers), no clock radio... NOTHING. Getting caught with music got you written up, or got you "Extra Military Instruction," which was usually some torturous event filled with physical training, standing in uncomfortable positions with a rifle for long periods of time, or nameless other silly games. 

Most of us didn't make it the whole year without. We found ways to hide the files on our computers, or we found upperclass teammates/friends who would let us hang out in their rooms and/or hide our stuff. We went to concerts on the weekends. We sang in choirs. We found ways. 

There were some people who were somehow not so bothered by the lack of music. Me? I can barely make it through the day in my office, where we can't bring anything electronic. 


Never again will I even attempt to go any longer than absolutely necessary without music. No, thanks.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 14

So, let's just pretend that there aren't a ton of days in between my last post and today... long story short, I got called on a last minute work trip to California, where I proceeded to get sick, then came back to approximately 6 hours to prepare a brief for our Agency Director. Yeah, its been busy!! But I'm back. And gonna get back on this...

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear She-Ra,

Finding out that you are not, in fact, a real person really killed me. I spent so many hours of so many days wanting to be you. I wanted to be blond, and dress like you, and have a flying horse to ride whenever I wanted, and to take down the bad guys. I wanted a brother like He-Man.  I wanted to live in a castle, and be a princess in real life.

All of a sudden, all those hopes and dreams came crashing down. What do you mean cartoons aren't real? What do you mean there's no such thing as a flying horse? What do you mean there are no superheros in real life?? Way to crush a little girl's dreams.

Now that your show is out on DVD, and there's been press about your "anniversary", all of these feelings have been brought to the forefront again. It hurts, She-Ra. It really hurts.

NO love from me,
Rebecca


OK, that's silly, I know. But in all seriousness, I have a lot of people I look up to, but I can't really think of a hero that's ever failed me. I'm sure there are some. But there's not one that truly sticks out in my mind. So, I had a little fun with this one. And hey, what little kid ISN'T crushed when they find out their favorite superhero isn't real??

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 13

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)


Dear Ingram Hill, Matt Nathanson, Sister Hazel, Better Than Ezra, Jewel, Sara Bareilles, Anna Nalick, Florez, Aslyn, Tristan Prettyman, and I'm sure more that I am forgetting,


In my life, there have been many tough days. Listening to your music and absorbing your lyrics have helped me through days in many ways - sometimes, just rolling down the windows, and turning it up; sometimes, your lyrics have inspired me to write my own; and sometimes, I've just gotten the reminder that I needed to remind me that it can always be worse, and it really will be OK.


Music has always been a gigantic part of my life, and you, in particular, have continued to write music that I can relate to. Without you and the songs that you have been kind enough to share with the world, I might not have been able to get through those days in quite the same shape that I did. My mental health may not have survived the breakups, the lost friendships, the frustration at sea, the loneliness, and the dealings with a-holes.  Through the years, you've always been there for me. Thanks for that.


Love,
Rebecca

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 12

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on
Oh man... I have no idea. I don't keep track of the things people DON'T compliment me on. Wouldn't that be a bit of a sad way to live?

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 11

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on
My shoes!! Thanks to my best friend, I got into shoes a few years back. Over the years I've built a bit of a collection, and since I got out of the Navy and have worked in office environments that require conservativish dress, my shoes have been a great way to express myself.  And they're fun! I never wear the same pair of shoes twice in one week, and rarely do I wear the same pair more often than every 2 or 3, and even those are just the simplest pairs. Plus, no matter what, shoes always fit :)

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know
I did a pretty good job about 4 years ago of removing some of the drama from my life. But there are still a few that I haven't completely let go of yet. One in particular is someone that I wasn't friends with for all that long - or, at least, I've been hanging on for much longer than we were friends to begin with.  This person kept me around as a friend for as long as he did because it was convenient for him. But as soon as it wasn't, he was gone. Yet I still find myself asking our mutual friends about him, or wondering about him. It was only a couple of months ago that I finally deleted his email address from my gmail for good. I hang on to friendships, if you can call them that, far too long, primarily because friends have always been so important to me. That often means they're one sided. So I'm working on it. But I'm not totally there yet.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 9

Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

This one's easy. Re-read Day 3.  I miss that friendship every single day.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 8

Day 8:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like s**t. (I like to keep it family friendlier around these parts!)

In 10 years in the military, I met several people who could fit that bill. I was having a hard time deciding between two in particular, so I think I'll say its a tie. 

The first was one of my Plebe Summer squad leaders, the one from the 2nd half of the summer. It was his job, at that point, to make my life miserable, and I could live with that. He was a little more of what we called a "flamer" (not at all referring to homosexuality - at USNA getting "flamed" was getting yelled at) than most of his classmates. He was the one we all avoided.  He told me I would never graduate from HIS school. He went out of his way to find things wrong with me. However, when, at the end of Plebe year, most of his classmates came around, shook all of our hands, and stopped playing the game, this particular guy continued to be a raging a-hole for the next year until he graduated.  Now, if I ever see him at a football game or other USNA function, I will make sure that he knows that I did, in fact, graduate from HIS school, and turn and walk the other way.

The other person was the Commanding Officer of my 2nd ship.  He made life hell for a lot of people, I wasn't special by any means. His mood could change with the snap of a finger, and he didn't care who was around when it happened.  For me personally, though, the worst of it was when my boss reorganized our division and the CO didn't know it. He thought I was slacking off, and took it out on me passive-agressively, all of this happening at the same time that I found out that my next set of orders had been pulled and we were trying to figure out where I was headed next, with my detailer pushing me to try to leave early. He finally went postal on me one day, which was the first time I realized that he did not know about the reorganization. He never apologized, and while he didn't screw me over on paper, I count the day I detached from his command among the happiest days of my life.

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 4

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for
Oh man, this one is actually kind of hard!  I generally don't hold grudges, so trying to think of something I've been holding on to is really difficult.  The first thing that comes to mind is the way that someone who I thought was a very good friend basically cut me out.  After spending over a year getting to know each other, all of a sudden, poof! I sort of understand why it happened, but that didn't make me like it or be OK with it.  It also didn't help when, nearly 2 years later, there was a brief reappearance during a difficult time and then poof again.  I haven't spoken to this friend now in I think close to 3 years; I probably never will again.  But I've found, over the years, that its not necessary for the person being forgiven to know that they're being forgiven.  The peace that it brings me is enough. So, I think I'm finally ready to put aside harsh feelings and move along. Obviously the friendship wasn't what I thought, I don't need people like that in my life, and I'm doing just fine. 

Thirty Days of Truth, Day 3

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for
This one took a bit of thinking about. I try not to have too many regrets in my life, but there is one that I just can't shake, and it's totally my fault. My best friend in high school came out to me about halfway through our senior year. It changed absolutely nothing as far as I was concerned - we went to prom together, and sometime during my first year and a half at the Naval Academy, even though he had begun seriously dating someone, he agreed that if I was single when it came time for my Ring Dance at the end of junior year, he would come up to Annapolis and be my date to that as well. But I screwed it up. I started dating a guy during my sophomore year that was a bit of a homophobe. We got more serious, and started talking about marriage, and he said that he would not be comfortable with a gay couple at the wedding. Of course I thought it was silly, but I made the mistake of telling my best friend. I thought nothing of it at the time. But soon, I noticed that he was not returning my calls. And when the boyfriend and I broke up a few months before the Ring Dance, and I left my friend multiple messages, I never heard back. Sometime during that summer, I finally got ahold of him - I don't remember if it was phone or email now, but he basically told me that he didn't want to be my friend anymore because he felt that it was just too one sided. I was mortified - I had never been called a bad friend before, and always been the one putting the effort into friendships that wasn't reciprocated. Even with this one!! It wasn't until several years later, I think when we became friends on Facebook, that I finally found out the real reason for our falling out. To this day, our friendship has never recovered. We're on good terms now, but we don't talk outside of the occasional Facebook comment. I get my updates on him from Facebook and our mutual friends. I'm thrilled that he is happily married (to that same man), and looking into adoption. He's going to be an amazing father. And someday, I hope, I will be able to forgive myself for hurting him so badly that it ruined our friendship.