I think we might have had a breakthrough

I used to write music all the time. I always had a notebook with me, or scraps of paper to write down lyrics I was thinking. I had books full of full songs, or random lyrics that I wanted to eventually return to and finish.

Somewhere, in the last couple of years, I lost that part of me. It's been a long time since I really wrote. I don't know what happened. May it was intimidation when I started dating my husband because he's such a talented musician. But he's not a lyricist or a singer, so why would I be intimidated? Maybe because I'm unsure that I'd ever be as talented as him? Maybe it's seeing some of my friends do so well with their music, and I don't think I'll ever get to where they are? Maybe I've just lost my touch? Maybe I'm just getting old, and can't find the words anymore? Maybe my happiness with husband has killed the pain that I used to draw on so often for lyrics?

Whatever it is, I'm hoping that it's finally going away. Husband has been bugging me for ages to write with him. We did, once, when we first started dating. I can't even remember the words to that song, or where I wrote them down. But the other day, drawing on the pain of some things that he's currently going through, and doing what he always does, picking up the guitar, he played a line that immediately gave me chills. Just two chords, one progression in the middle of a line that he was messing with, and I just stopped, and said I want to write to that. The power of just those two chords, with no lyrics to them yet, and not even paying attention to the rest of what was happening, it just struck something in me.

Last night, I finally said OK, no TV, just you, the guitar, me, a pen, and a notebook. Let's get writing. And we did. I don't think it's done yet, but we have a scratch recording on my phone, and probably a bridge and maybe one more verse to write, but it's coming along, and so far I'm really excited about it.

I hope this is what I needed to start writing again. Music is such a big part of my life, and writing has been my primary mode of expression since I was 12 years old. I've never been able to accompany myself or truly realize what I imagine my songs to be. But now I have no excuse - my husband is one of the most talented guitarists and writers I've ever met. DUH!

So here's to more writing, some recording, and renewing my love of the art. Wish me luck - both with the big picture and being able to read this later:

Sometimes I write.

I hope you don't mind indulging me for a second. I wrote this the other day, and while its nowhere near complete, I really like where its heading and wanted to at least share the words, since who knows if I'll ever finish...

She said I would be in another place now
If I'd done one thing differnet
I'd be living a life so far from this
If I'd made the other choice
I can't help but think about it
The now and what might have been
A constant game of what if in my mind
Weighs me down from time to time

I never thought my life would go this way
She says as she wipes her eyes
How could I have known I'd want this now
After a pause she cries aloud

What is really truth and lies
Who decides what's right and wrong
How would I change if I had the chance
If life gave me just one do over
Where am I supposed to go from here
Who will help me make it through
I don't know where this crazy life is taking me
And I'm not sure I'm enjoying the ride

She stops, silence weighs the room down
As it mixes with the tears
Pain hangs over us, as she settles down
And her eyes say everything

To be continued... maybe...

#Reverb10, December 2nd

The Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

This is focused on people who are a little bit more serious about their writing than I am, I think. However, if I relate it back to my songwriting, which has been severely lacking in the last year or two, I think I can answer the question.

The primary thing I do each day that doesn't contribute to my writing is work, if we're being honest. And no, I can not eliminate it, because then I wouldn't get paid, and we've all seen what a hot mess I am when I'm not getting paid. But, at the same time, some of my best songs were written while or because of my work - namely, while I was standing a watch on the bridge of my first ship while we were off the coast of Virginia, I wrote my song "Especially You," which was featured two years ago on a compilation CD. So maybe that's not entirely something I do that doesn't contribute to my writing after all.

However, I'm sure that the time I spend undwinding after work playing Spider Solitaire or watching last week's episode of Parenthood doesn't do a whole lot for me. I really should cut down a little on that and dedicate a certain amount of time every day to writing, even if its just jotting down some ideas or some one-line lyrics. It would be better than nothing...

While I doubt I'll eliminate everything that I do that keeps me from wanting to write on a daily basis like I should, I do need to make a conscious effort to at least cut down on it all. This prompt made me really think about how much I'm NOT writing, and how much I kinda miss it.