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These words are my diary screaming out loud

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

A month of thanks: Day 13

I'm not going to lie, I'm finding it hard to find things to be thankful for today.

First of all, I woke up this morning to the news that one of the people I have admired for a good portion of my adult life, Marine Gen John Allen, is now under investigation for possible inappropriate communications in this whole soap opera surrounding General Petraeus. Now I know how others have felt when people they've looked up to have been implicated in things. I almost started crying.

Then, I found out that my friend Ali, who has been fighting cancer for a little more than 2 years now, is probably very near the end of her fight. She's been in hospice care since May, and her nurses now believe she probably only has days, or maybe weeks if she beats the odds yet again, left on this earth. We've known this was coming for a long time, but that doesn't make it any easier. While I'm far from being part of Ali's closest circle, she's someone I've gotten to know pretty well over the past 5 or 6 years through the local music scene, and her absence has been noticeable. Cancer really really sucks.

So it makes it really hard to be thankful today. All I can think of is that I'm thankful for my health, and that of those around me. I'm thankful that I know Ali, and for the way that she has touched my life, even if it has been small. I'm thankful that there is a full process for investigating Gen Allen, and hopeful that the process will result in not having one of my professional role models' reputation permanently tarnished. I'm thankful that even if it is, that won't change what I learned from him.

And it sounds awful, and I'm mad at myself for thinking it and writing it down, and for it being true, but I'm glad that its not me. In either of those situations.

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