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These words are my diary screaming out loud

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Sleepy =/= lazy.

I had a revelation this weekend. It's sort of a follow up to the post the other day about finding the IH website and Facebook group, and sort of as a result of the move (which, thank dear sweet 8 pound baby Jesus, is just about over, other than getting some stuff to my parents house).

(Yes, I am actually posting about the same topic two posts in a row. Crazy, right?)

For my entire adult life, I have called myself and allowed myself to be called lazy. I don't work out enough because I'm lazy. I sleep extra on the weekends because I'm lazy. I'm not a good housekeeper (for my own house) because I'm lazy. I'm perfectly happy in a desk job because I'm lazy. I want to go to bed at 9 on a Friday night instead of going out because I'm lazy.

It has taken the facebook group and the website and seeing that not only am I not alone, but that I don't even have it as bad as many people with IH to realize that it's not necessarily that I'm lazy, it's that I'm sleepy, and that it's not just in my head. Who knows if I would be lazy without the IH. Maybe I would. But I kinda feel like I wouldn't be. I like going to the gym (as long as its not running. I hate running.), I like going out, I like coming home from work and doing more than plopping onto the couch counting the hours til bedtime. I am a master at powering through physical pain, and slightly less masterful but still effective most of the time at powering through the sleepiness. Take this weekend, finishing the move. Especially yesterday, which was finishing getting the last few things out of the house and cleaning the whole place.

I am not lazy. I am sleepy. There is a difference. I am not making it up. I am not just trying to get out of things. Well, 99% of the time I'm not just trying to get out of things. I don't secretly hate hanging out with you. I really DO want to do all of those things. But my body is telling me it wants sleep more. And the validation that I've gotten over the last few days that this is normal and that, in fact, I'm better off than a lot of people with IH, is AMAZING.

Most of the time I absolutely would like to tell my body to go fly a kite, as my mother says. Sometimes I can. Quite often I just can't. But please believe me when I say I wish I could.


steyny said...

I feel like i have the same problem because there are so many things i wish to do but can't because i just feel too lazy.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything so maybe its just my laziness but i wish i had more energy and didn't feel so lazy.

Sorry to hear about your IH, it sounds kind of cool to be able to sleep that much since most people suffer from insomnia but i can imagine it will not be if you have to deal with it on a day to day basis.

PS: Nice blog, glad i found it!.

Rebecca said...

Yeah, definitely nothing cool about it. It would be cool if it was an every once in a while thing, but it kinda gets in the way of life :)

Glad you like the blog!

LH said...

I have had people who have told me they considered me lucky for being able to sleep so much, and the honest one thing I wanted to do was slap them silly.
Being sleepy and tired all the time makes you cranky, unsociable, perhaps weak in your back muscles which eventually will give you a lot of pain, joint pain, headaches, nausea, weight problems, reduced memory, presentation etc etc etc.

What is important about a condition like IH or other sleep disorders is that people show their support, that they try to understand, that they will not judge you just because you have a bad day.
Suffering alone because no one understands or want to understand is the worst thing I know of. That is why it is good to have different communities for people who suffers the same fate. I remember I nearly cried when I discovered the facebook group for Major hypersomnolence..

Rebecca said...

LH, so true. I think so much of what we deal with is ignorance. People have never heard of IH. Hell, I had never heard of it til it was diagnosed, and didn't really know much about it til recently. I used to just tell people I was borderline narcoleptic - that's basically how my doctor had described it to me when I was diagnosed, and at least people have heard of that. Now, I at least try to explain a little bit, if I choose to talk about it at all.