I started watching Army Wives right after I got out of the Navy, I think at the beginning of Season 2. I wasn't sure about it at first, but the more I watched and realized that it was just about the ONLY military-oriented show on TV that actually did its homework and got the details right, the more I found myself getting into it. I've been kinda hooked, and gotten somewhat attached to the characters on the show.
SPOILER ALERT: If you're a fan of the show, and haven't watched last night's episode yet, stop now.
They've pretty much dealt with every possible situation that a miltiary spouse, family member, or friend could deal with in real life over the years on this show. They've had relationship troubles, kid troubles, transfers, battle injuries, dealing with the aftermath of losing a colleague in action. But up until now, while they'd had some legitimate scares, none of the main families had ever had to deal with a KIA. That is, until last night's episode, when the son of Catherine Bell's character was killed in Afghanistan.
I try to keep bad words off my blog, even though I don't do well with keeping them out of my speech, but last night, while I was watching this show, I LOST MY SHIT. I mean, the show was sad, and I can understand tearing up. Which is all I did at first - I mean, they had the official notification crew show up to tell Denise that her son had died during his fiancee's bridal shower. SERIOUSLY? If that doesnt make you cry then you have a cold, hard lump of coal where a heart should be. But it wasn't until later in the show, I think the scene where Emmalyn spoke at his funeral, that I really lost it and started sobbing uncontrollably.
At first I couldn't figure out why I was crying so hard at all of this. But then it clicked. A little over a year and a half ago, in August 2009, a friend and Naval Academy classmate and company mate, Capt Matt Freeman, USMC, was killed in action in Afghanistan. While we weren't super close, we had always gotten along well in school, and we had kept with each other's lives through the years through myspace and later facebook. When I got the news that he had been killed and that his funeral would be in his hometown near Savannah, I knew I had to go. Its only about a 4 hour drive from Atlanta, and I felt like there was no other option. Up until that point, my class had been very lucky. While we'd lost several classmates since graduation, none had been combat deaths. This was a new experience for all of us.
Nine members of 12th company class of 2002 made it to funeral. Most of those eight others had been much closer to Matt than I was. Two in particular were the ones that had always tried to be "tough guys" at the Academy, as much as one can exist there. They did a pretty good job holding it together, but I saw them both cry the day of Matt's funeral. I don't really know how to explain it, but I think maybe I felt like I didn't have the right to just let it out if they weren't. No matter that women are much more likely than men to let it go in public. But I felt like I couldn't. And while I cried a couple of times, I don't think I ever really cried for the loss of my friend.
I realized near the end of last nght's episode of Army Wives that I wasn't crying for the fictional Specialist Jeremy Sherwood, I was crying for Matt Freeman. I was letting out the tears that I'd been afraid to let out that day in August 2009, that I felt I had no right to let out. I wasn't crying for the fictional fiancee, I was crying for the real Theresa Hess Freeman, who had married her husband just a few days before he left for Afghanistan. I was crying for Matt's parents, for his friends, for his neighbors, and, finally, crying for myself.
So thank you, Army Wives. Thank you for giving me the chance to finally cry for my friend, and to finally let go of the grief I had kept welled up inside of me that day. And thank you for reminding those who watched the show that may not always remember that we ARE in two wars right now, for reminding them that our Soliders, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines are still over there, fighting for freedom, and paying the ultimate sacrifice. I don't think I have to tell anyone here that war sucks.
On a final note, one of the things that struck Matt during his short time in Afghanistan was the fact that kids wanted pens and pencils and school supplies more than anything else, more even than food. They were starving for education. He asked his mom, a teacher, to send some supplies, and two days later he was killed. His mom started the Freeman Project soon after, not because of his death, but because of his life. More information can be found on the Project's website.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Please pardon my progress...
I'm experimenting with some new looks for the blog. I really want to kick it up a notch, so over the next few weeks I'm going to be playing with the look and feel a little bit. It'll settle out soon enough, I promise...
Friday, March 25, 2011
Everyone should have a cause, here's a little bit about mine
So, I had this great post written, and I just accidentally deleted the whole thing. I HATE when that happens!! So here's an attempt to recreate the greatness....
First and foremost, I want to welcome those of you that are new followers and readers of my blog. Please say hello and let me know you're reading!! I know I'm not always the best blogger ever, but I think its really cool that anyone, especially people I don't really know, are even remotely interested in anything I have to say.
However, the real reason for this post is to tell you about a cause that has been extremely important to my family for the last 16 years. In early 1995, at the ripe old age of 3, my little sister Emily was diagnosed was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. "Wait," you might be thinking, "arthritis? I thought that was for old people!" Believe me, you're not the only one who thinks so. But according to the Juvenile Arthritis Alliance, nearly 300,000 children in America live with JA. In 1998, my family (minus me - damn that Plebe Summer) attended their first Arthritis Foundation event, a conference specifically for families dealing with JA. It changed all of their lives, especially Emily - this was the first time she had ever met other kids like her other than the occasional passing in the doctor's office. Since that time, my whole family has been involved in the Foundation and its events. For the past 8 or so years, the Arthritis Walk has been a big part of that.
Now, I'm not here just to ask for money. Don't get me wrong - if you want to donate, please click here and your money will absolutely go to an amazing cause. But what would make me just as happy, or even happier, would be if you would click on one of these links to learn more about JA and see if there's a way that you can help:
Find a walk near you
Be an advocate for health legislation and policy
Learn about Arthritis Foundation events
Volunteer at your local AF office
Other ways to donate
Again, it means the world to me that people are reading my little blog. Hopefully I can use it for a good cause!
Oh, and by the way, Emily is doing AWESOME. She was lucky in that she had an amazing doctor from the start and her body responded well to medications. She's had some rough times, but for the most part she's your normal college freshman. She's studying nursing, hoping to help kids like her some day. Pretty cool, I think! She's an amazing young woman who's likely been an inspiration to more people than she'll ever know, and I think will continue to be. Here are a couple of pictures from last year's Walk - Emily's the one with the cool yellow glasses, and the other one is our equally awesome youngest sister, who's been as much of a support system to Emily over the years as anyone else.
First and foremost, I want to welcome those of you that are new followers and readers of my blog. Please say hello and let me know you're reading!! I know I'm not always the best blogger ever, but I think its really cool that anyone, especially people I don't really know, are even remotely interested in anything I have to say.
However, the real reason for this post is to tell you about a cause that has been extremely important to my family for the last 16 years. In early 1995, at the ripe old age of 3, my little sister Emily was diagnosed was Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. "Wait," you might be thinking, "arthritis? I thought that was for old people!" Believe me, you're not the only one who thinks so. But according to the Juvenile Arthritis Alliance, nearly 300,000 children in America live with JA. In 1998, my family (minus me - damn that Plebe Summer) attended their first Arthritis Foundation event, a conference specifically for families dealing with JA. It changed all of their lives, especially Emily - this was the first time she had ever met other kids like her other than the occasional passing in the doctor's office. Since that time, my whole family has been involved in the Foundation and its events. For the past 8 or so years, the Arthritis Walk has been a big part of that.
Now, I'm not here just to ask for money. Don't get me wrong - if you want to donate, please click here and your money will absolutely go to an amazing cause. But what would make me just as happy, or even happier, would be if you would click on one of these links to learn more about JA and see if there's a way that you can help:
Find a walk near you
Be an advocate for health legislation and policy
Learn about Arthritis Foundation events
Volunteer at your local AF office
Other ways to donate
Again, it means the world to me that people are reading my little blog. Hopefully I can use it for a good cause!
Oh, and by the way, Emily is doing AWESOME. She was lucky in that she had an amazing doctor from the start and her body responded well to medications. She's had some rough times, but for the most part she's your normal college freshman. She's studying nursing, hoping to help kids like her some day. Pretty cool, I think! She's an amazing young woman who's likely been an inspiration to more people than she'll ever know, and I think will continue to be. Here are a couple of pictures from last year's Walk - Emily's the one with the cool yellow glasses, and the other one is our equally awesome youngest sister, who's been as much of a support system to Emily over the years as anyone else.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I really need to .... what? Squirrel!
I'm bored with my car. There, I said it.
Don't get me wrong - Jethro is a great car. He's been good to me, he's held up well even after having to get most of his passenger side replaced over the years. He drives wonderfully, and gets good gas mileage, and has room in the back seat for two adults to sit comfortably. But I've also had him for almost 5 years, the longest I've ever kept a car, and I've got the itch. Thing is, I've only got 3 payments left, and I really need to wait at least another year to use the car payment money to pay down some credit cards and save up for a down payment on whatever I want to do next and build a little more savings back up. But I'm constantly looking at other cars, and wanting something newer and shinier and with some more features. Lately, it seems to be three in particular. And I'm starting to have a really hard time not looking.
The ones I'm looking at right now:
What do you think?
Don't get me wrong - Jethro is a great car. He's been good to me, he's held up well even after having to get most of his passenger side replaced over the years. He drives wonderfully, and gets good gas mileage, and has room in the back seat for two adults to sit comfortably. But I've also had him for almost 5 years, the longest I've ever kept a car, and I've got the itch. Thing is, I've only got 3 payments left, and I really need to wait at least another year to use the car payment money to pay down some credit cards and save up for a down payment on whatever I want to do next and build a little more savings back up. But I'm constantly looking at other cars, and wanting something newer and shinier and with some more features. Lately, it seems to be three in particular. And I'm starting to have a really hard time not looking.
The ones I'm looking at right now:
 |
| Honda CRV |
 |
| Ford Edge |
 |
| Nissan Rogue |
What do you think?
Monday, March 21, 2011
I got a new toy
My mom got one of those single serve coffee pots for Christmas. Its super fancy, holds a ton of water, perfect for her. Ever since I saw it, I wanted one. I hate having to wait for coffee to brew, and wasting coffee, and having to clean the pot and the bits... basically, I hate regular coffee pots. This one, though, is easy - no mess, just the occasional cleaning out. All the mess stays in the little cups.
I couldn't bring myself to get the same big fancy one she got, but I did get myself a mini version of it today. (Hooray for Bed Bath and Beyond coupons never expiring!) The biggest difference, other than the obvious size, is that while hers holds a reservoir of water, mine has to be filled every time you use it. I also got a neat little drawer that it can sit on and can hold 36 cups - a plus, since counter space is at a premium in my kitchen.
I bought a box of Twinings Earl Grey tea (one of my absolute faves) and it came with a 12 cup sampler, which included just one decaf. Can't wait to try it out after dinner!!
I couldn't bring myself to get the same big fancy one she got, but I did get myself a mini version of it today. (Hooray for Bed Bath and Beyond coupons never expiring!) The biggest difference, other than the obvious size, is that while hers holds a reservoir of water, mine has to be filled every time you use it. I also got a neat little drawer that it can sit on and can hold 36 cups - a plus, since counter space is at a premium in my kitchen.
I bought a box of Twinings Earl Grey tea (one of my absolute faves) and it came with a 12 cup sampler, which included just one decaf. Can't wait to try it out after dinner!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Let's call it a moment of clarity
You never really know when something you're doing might be affecting someone else.
I started this blog in 2005 just for fun. It was a great outlet for me, a diary of sorts, but one that others could read too. I've gone on and off with it over the years, and lately I've been trying to do a little more with it. But I've never really thought much about it.
But yesterday, my friend Lee blogged about her day, and revealed that my blog was part of the reason why she'd started blogging regularly. I was FLOORED. I mean, she does SO MUCH with her blog, and she's an amazing writer, leaps and bounds better than me. How in the world could I have anything to do with that?
I still don't know the answer, but it made me feel good to know that perhaps I've had a positive effect on someone else's life. It is absolutely not what I ever set out to do, but I'm glad. So Lee, thanks for sharing that with me. It really made my day, and reminding me that we may not always know how our actions are affecting others, even in positive ways.
On a similar but entirely different note, this week in Tampa has confirmed the fact that I really do miss living in a warm climate near the water. Perhaps the job search will start soon...
I started this blog in 2005 just for fun. It was a great outlet for me, a diary of sorts, but one that others could read too. I've gone on and off with it over the years, and lately I've been trying to do a little more with it. But I've never really thought much about it.
But yesterday, my friend Lee blogged about her day, and revealed that my blog was part of the reason why she'd started blogging regularly. I was FLOORED. I mean, she does SO MUCH with her blog, and she's an amazing writer, leaps and bounds better than me. How in the world could I have anything to do with that?
I still don't know the answer, but it made me feel good to know that perhaps I've had a positive effect on someone else's life. It is absolutely not what I ever set out to do, but I'm glad. So Lee, thanks for sharing that with me. It really made my day, and reminding me that we may not always know how our actions are affecting others, even in positive ways.
On a similar but entirely different note, this week in Tampa has confirmed the fact that I really do miss living in a warm climate near the water. Perhaps the job search will start soon...
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
I love a good story
Some of you may know that I'm a This American Life junkie. I get the podcasts every week (although iTunes hasn't been updating them right lately, so I've been missing weeks... grrr.) and I'm not gonna lie, I kinda look forward to some car time on the days when I have some fresh podcasts to listen to. It makes my day.
For those you that are not familiar with This American Life, its an hour-long weekly radio broadcast put on by a public radio station in Chicago and broadcast on public radio nation-wide. Every week, they pick a topic and tell stories about that topic - usually 3 or 4 "acts" to fill the hour.
The one I listened to yesterday was called "Slow to React," and one of the stories was just so sweet. It was about a man who was always a good kid, always quiet, never a partier, and the last person anyone in his family would expect to find love and settle down. As a young man stationed in Korea, though, he had met a woman and fallen in love. When he wrote home to his mother that he was in love and wanted to bring this woman back with him, his mother suggested against it, and being a good Irishman, he listened to his mother.
He lost touch with the woman, and some years later realized he'd made the mistake of his life. He spent the next several years trying to track this woman down - calling people, taking out ads in Korean newspapers, doing anything he could think of until he finally found her. He wrote her a letter asking to meet, and it took another year for her to agree.
At their first meeting, he asked her to marry him, she said no (she'd apparently built quite a life for herself in Korea), but they kept meeting a couple of times a year, having a great time together. Every trip ended the same way - he asked her to marry him, and she said no. Seven years later, she got really sick, and he called her every day, sometimes even twice a day, while she was sick. It was then that she realized that she needed to marry this guy. Her doctors had told her that she shouldn't work anymore (she was some sort of trainer and owned several gyms), and she realized how much he truly loved her.
So soon after she was cleared medically, she came to the US, and 2 days later they got married. Now mind you, the man had not told his family ANY of this while it was going on, so the first they heard was when he announced that she was coming to the US and they were getting married. So for most of them, the first time they met her was at the wedding. But the overwhelming opinion was that they were perfect together. The mother said that if she'd known then what she knows now, she never would have told him not to bring her back to the States back then.
After 20 years, this couple, against all odds, got married and are living happily together. Doesn't that just give you hope? It sounds like a movie plot - a feel good, romantic comedy, perfect for a girls night in with popcorn and wine kind of movie plot. Sigh...
Oh, and you can listen to the story on This American Life's website by clicking here - you can pay $0.99 for the download or stream it for free.
For those you that are not familiar with This American Life, its an hour-long weekly radio broadcast put on by a public radio station in Chicago and broadcast on public radio nation-wide. Every week, they pick a topic and tell stories about that topic - usually 3 or 4 "acts" to fill the hour.
The one I listened to yesterday was called "Slow to React," and one of the stories was just so sweet. It was about a man who was always a good kid, always quiet, never a partier, and the last person anyone in his family would expect to find love and settle down. As a young man stationed in Korea, though, he had met a woman and fallen in love. When he wrote home to his mother that he was in love and wanted to bring this woman back with him, his mother suggested against it, and being a good Irishman, he listened to his mother.
He lost touch with the woman, and some years later realized he'd made the mistake of his life. He spent the next several years trying to track this woman down - calling people, taking out ads in Korean newspapers, doing anything he could think of until he finally found her. He wrote her a letter asking to meet, and it took another year for her to agree.
At their first meeting, he asked her to marry him, she said no (she'd apparently built quite a life for herself in Korea), but they kept meeting a couple of times a year, having a great time together. Every trip ended the same way - he asked her to marry him, and she said no. Seven years later, she got really sick, and he called her every day, sometimes even twice a day, while she was sick. It was then that she realized that she needed to marry this guy. Her doctors had told her that she shouldn't work anymore (she was some sort of trainer and owned several gyms), and she realized how much he truly loved her.
So soon after she was cleared medically, she came to the US, and 2 days later they got married. Now mind you, the man had not told his family ANY of this while it was going on, so the first they heard was when he announced that she was coming to the US and they were getting married. So for most of them, the first time they met her was at the wedding. But the overwhelming opinion was that they were perfect together. The mother said that if she'd known then what she knows now, she never would have told him not to bring her back to the States back then.
After 20 years, this couple, against all odds, got married and are living happily together. Doesn't that just give you hope? It sounds like a movie plot - a feel good, romantic comedy, perfect for a girls night in with popcorn and wine kind of movie plot. Sigh...
Oh, and you can listen to the story on This American Life's website by clicking here - you can pay $0.99 for the download or stream it for free.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Defeated.
That's how I feel today.
I spend a lot of time at work running around going to meetings. There are a lot of people that ask me questions. My boss takes me with him to meetings because I'm his subject matter expert. Several other people around the Agency get nervous when I'm not at their meetings.
That's what makes the last few days so hard. Wednesday when I came into work I found out that I had, for the 3rd straight quarter, not won the Agency-level employee of the quarter award that my bosses had put me up for. Then, on Thursday, I found out I hadn't won the next level down employee of the quarter type award that my bosses had put me up for. Then today I found out that I had not been approved to attend the leadership development program I'd applied for.
I don't want to sound petty. I really don't. At first, I didn't care all that much. But my first line boss did - he was mad at the first, madder at the 2nd, and really pissed off today. And you know what? I kind of am too. Maybe its combined with this whole pending government shut down thing - Congress will still get paid for not doing their job, but to make a point, they're going to screw the rest of us by not paying us? Please tell me on what planet that makes sense. I'm also still exhausted from last weekend. I think maybe the roll up of everything is just hitting me all at once, and I feel defeated. I don't feel a burning desire to do a whole lot of work now. I feel like going ahead and starting to look for some positions at the next higher level outside of DC a little earlier than planned.
I've never been one for demanding recognition for things - I just want to get the job done. So maybe its just expectation management - maybe I just don't want to know next time I get put up for an award, so I'm not disappointed when I don't get it again. Who knows.
Sigh. I wish that when I got this way I was one of those people who wants to work out, not one of those people who wants to go eat fried deviled eggs and drink beer...
I spend a lot of time at work running around going to meetings. There are a lot of people that ask me questions. My boss takes me with him to meetings because I'm his subject matter expert. Several other people around the Agency get nervous when I'm not at their meetings.
That's what makes the last few days so hard. Wednesday when I came into work I found out that I had, for the 3rd straight quarter, not won the Agency-level employee of the quarter award that my bosses had put me up for. Then, on Thursday, I found out I hadn't won the next level down employee of the quarter type award that my bosses had put me up for. Then today I found out that I had not been approved to attend the leadership development program I'd applied for.
I don't want to sound petty. I really don't. At first, I didn't care all that much. But my first line boss did - he was mad at the first, madder at the 2nd, and really pissed off today. And you know what? I kind of am too. Maybe its combined with this whole pending government shut down thing - Congress will still get paid for not doing their job, but to make a point, they're going to screw the rest of us by not paying us? Please tell me on what planet that makes sense. I'm also still exhausted from last weekend. I think maybe the roll up of everything is just hitting me all at once, and I feel defeated. I don't feel a burning desire to do a whole lot of work now. I feel like going ahead and starting to look for some positions at the next higher level outside of DC a little earlier than planned.
I've never been one for demanding recognition for things - I just want to get the job done. So maybe its just expectation management - maybe I just don't want to know next time I get put up for an award, so I'm not disappointed when I don't get it again. Who knows.
Sigh. I wish that when I got this way I was one of those people who wants to work out, not one of those people who wants to go eat fried deviled eggs and drink beer...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Mental Health Days
Certain things don't exist in the military. You can't quit. You can't really call in sick. You can't pick your own clothes or decide to randomly change your hair. And you surely can not just take a mental health day.
Which is why yesterday was my very first one. Ever.
Well, sort of. I mean I did, but it wasn't just totally random. We got back from Tallahassee on Monday, leaving a beautiful day of mid 70s and sun to return to cold, rain, and a forecast showing snow and ice over night. Awesome, right? I was already not really looking forward to waking up for work on Tuesday morning because I was so exhausted from the trip, mostly from the 4 hours of sleep I got Saturday night followed by a day of activity. So when I woke up at 4am to an email from OPM (the guys that dictate this sort of thing) saying that the government was open, but with unscheduled leave/telework, I decided to take the unscheduled leave. I would have taken a couple of hours anyway, since our street hadn't been treated yet and there was a good looking layer of ice, but normally I'd have just gone in once they looked OK. But I decided I needed the day, and I took it.
And I did exactly one productive thing. The entire day. I did the dishes. After sleeping until around 10, vegging in bed until nearly noon, and getting lunch at Rustico. Then I spent the rest of the day vegging in my recliner. I did no school work. I did a little unpacking, but nothing major. I did no cooking. I did no cleaning. I did absolutely nothing, and was asleep by 930 last night. And it felt AMAZING.
Now I understand. Sometimes, you just need a day like that...
Which is why yesterday was my very first one. Ever.
Well, sort of. I mean I did, but it wasn't just totally random. We got back from Tallahassee on Monday, leaving a beautiful day of mid 70s and sun to return to cold, rain, and a forecast showing snow and ice over night. Awesome, right? I was already not really looking forward to waking up for work on Tuesday morning because I was so exhausted from the trip, mostly from the 4 hours of sleep I got Saturday night followed by a day of activity. So when I woke up at 4am to an email from OPM (the guys that dictate this sort of thing) saying that the government was open, but with unscheduled leave/telework, I decided to take the unscheduled leave. I would have taken a couple of hours anyway, since our street hadn't been treated yet and there was a good looking layer of ice, but normally I'd have just gone in once they looked OK. But I decided I needed the day, and I took it.
And I did exactly one productive thing. The entire day. I did the dishes. After sleeping until around 10, vegging in bed until nearly noon, and getting lunch at Rustico. Then I spent the rest of the day vegging in my recliner. I did no school work. I did a little unpacking, but nothing major. I did no cooking. I did no cleaning. I did absolutely nothing, and was asleep by 930 last night. And it felt AMAZING.
Now I understand. Sometimes, you just need a day like that...
Monday, February 14, 2011
This is why I love books
I used to be a really avid reader. I taught myself to read at the age of four, and my kindergarten teacher basically let me choose my own reading curriculum because I was so far ahead of my peers. By the time we moved back to the States (middle of my 1st grade year) I had read almost every book on the "up through 4th grade" shelf in my school's library. All the way through high school, I read all the time, because I didn't raelly need to study - school always came pretty easily for me.
When I hit USNA, that all changed. I was too exhausted to read, it would put me to sleep. And for the first time in my life, I didn't really have time to read for pleasure - I had to actually study. This continued through my years in the Navy - once I had my SWO pin, I read some books on deployment, but that was about it. I started reading a bit more when Matt's dad started sending me books, and I did the audiobook thing for a while. When I was unemployed, I read a bit more, but still not as much as I would have liked - I was broke, books aren't cheap! Last fall, though, I decided to get myself a Kindle. I figured if I didn't have to go to the bookstore, maybe I'd read more. Its semi-working :)
A few months back, I joined a Book Club with a few ladies I met through Yelp! The first few books we read were good, but the one we read for this month's meeting absolutely blew me (and the rest of us, based on the discussion we had) away.
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea, by Barbara Demick, is one of the most compelling works of nonfiction I have ever read. Demick, a reporter for the LA Times Seoul bureau, spent several years interviewing North Korean defectors, and profiled six of them for the book. She told their stories factually, with no agenda or attempt to bias a reader one way or the other. She stuck to the facts and the stories, with very little mention of what the average American thinks of North Korea - nuclear weapons. As someone who maintains a fairly tunnel-visioned view of North Korea based on my line of work, I can truly say that I was moved nearly to tears more than once in this book.
I'd forgotten what it was liked to really be moved by a book, to feel such a connection to the characters that you feel as if they're real people. In this book, they really are real people, yet the concept of what life in North Korea is like is so foreign to those of us that have grown up with the benefit of being Americans that it doesn't seem as though its possible. Books like this are why I love reading so much, and reading them makes me miss reading.
Do yourself a favor and get your hands on a copy of Nothing to Envy. Its not super long, and a fairly quick read. It doesn't read like non-fiction, in that the stories are really well told. You can get it on Amazon for under $10, hard copy or Kindle, and you should be able to get it at your local bookstore or library, although I hear a lot of libraries have pretty long waiting lists for it.
When I hit USNA, that all changed. I was too exhausted to read, it would put me to sleep. And for the first time in my life, I didn't really have time to read for pleasure - I had to actually study. This continued through my years in the Navy - once I had my SWO pin, I read some books on deployment, but that was about it. I started reading a bit more when Matt's dad started sending me books, and I did the audiobook thing for a while. When I was unemployed, I read a bit more, but still not as much as I would have liked - I was broke, books aren't cheap! Last fall, though, I decided to get myself a Kindle. I figured if I didn't have to go to the bookstore, maybe I'd read more. Its semi-working :)
A few months back, I joined a Book Club with a few ladies I met through Yelp! The first few books we read were good, but the one we read for this month's meeting absolutely blew me (and the rest of us, based on the discussion we had) away.
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea, by Barbara Demick, is one of the most compelling works of nonfiction I have ever read. Demick, a reporter for the LA Times Seoul bureau, spent several years interviewing North Korean defectors, and profiled six of them for the book. She told their stories factually, with no agenda or attempt to bias a reader one way or the other. She stuck to the facts and the stories, with very little mention of what the average American thinks of North Korea - nuclear weapons. As someone who maintains a fairly tunnel-visioned view of North Korea based on my line of work, I can truly say that I was moved nearly to tears more than once in this book.
I'd forgotten what it was liked to really be moved by a book, to feel such a connection to the characters that you feel as if they're real people. In this book, they really are real people, yet the concept of what life in North Korea is like is so foreign to those of us that have grown up with the benefit of being Americans that it doesn't seem as though its possible. Books like this are why I love reading so much, and reading them makes me miss reading.
Do yourself a favor and get your hands on a copy of Nothing to Envy. Its not super long, and a fairly quick read. It doesn't read like non-fiction, in that the stories are really well told. You can get it on Amazon for under $10, hard copy or Kindle, and you should be able to get it at your local bookstore or library, although I hear a lot of libraries have pretty long waiting lists for it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The State of the Union
Yes, I watched the State of the Union last night, because I am a politics nerd. I'll get that out of the way right up front. I get a kick out of the whole affair, especially now that I'm back in DC.
My first thought was that it was so different seeing Boehner behind the President as compared to Pelosi last year. Where she looked like she was swooning over him the whole time, he looked as though he was trying very hard to look like he cared the whole time. Or like something very large was stuck in his rear end. Either one.
I thought the speech was pretty decent, until the President spoke these words:
Other things I liked: his direct, dead on talk to House Republicans about Health Care reform. I think this might one of the only times I've ever heard the President admit that something he put together and championed could use improvement. I hope that Republicans will take this as an opportunity to work together and fix things, instead of an opportunity to say I told you so and create more vitriol.
Also, the part where he said that if a bill shows up on his desk with lots of earmarks, he'll veto it. This one, I think, is opening up a can of worms, in that it could be used against him later, but I do agree that the earmark thing has gotten out of control. I just don't want to see people adding earmarks to bills, getting them on there because others think the legislation is too important to risk not getting it passed, and then have the President either go back on his word and allow an earmark, or stick to it and not pass an important piece of legislation solely because there's an earmark.
I also liked the mixing of the parties - I feel like that kept the mood of the room a little more civilized. I also felt as though he did a good job of addressing moderates on both sides of the line, as well as independents. Too much of politics these days focuses on the extremes at either end.
A couple of things I didn't like: There were some specifics lacking - lots of big ideas, but no real HOWs. Granted, this probably wasn't the place for them. But still.
Also, I was a little lost near the end of the speech. I felt like he drifted a bit, and while it seemed like he was trying to make the point that we have things we need to fix, he kinda went into "look how much better other countries are than us right now" territory.
All in all, not terrible. But I'd still love a report back on how the job situation should be a challenge instead of discouraging. What? Not gonna happen? I thought not.
My first thought was that it was so different seeing Boehner behind the President as compared to Pelosi last year. Where she looked like she was swooning over him the whole time, he looked as though he was trying very hard to look like he cared the whole time. Or like something very large was stuck in his rear end. Either one.
I thought the speech was pretty decent, until the President spoke these words:
"The competition for jobs is real. But this shouldn’t discourage us. It should challenge us."My first response: How about you go looking for a job for a while, with nothing but $300 in unemployment every week to live on (until it runs out), and come back and let us know how that goes.
Other things I liked: his direct, dead on talk to House Republicans about Health Care reform. I think this might one of the only times I've ever heard the President admit that something he put together and championed could use improvement. I hope that Republicans will take this as an opportunity to work together and fix things, instead of an opportunity to say I told you so and create more vitriol.
Also, the part where he said that if a bill shows up on his desk with lots of earmarks, he'll veto it. This one, I think, is opening up a can of worms, in that it could be used against him later, but I do agree that the earmark thing has gotten out of control. I just don't want to see people adding earmarks to bills, getting them on there because others think the legislation is too important to risk not getting it passed, and then have the President either go back on his word and allow an earmark, or stick to it and not pass an important piece of legislation solely because there's an earmark.
I also liked the mixing of the parties - I feel like that kept the mood of the room a little more civilized. I also felt as though he did a good job of addressing moderates on both sides of the line, as well as independents. Too much of politics these days focuses on the extremes at either end.
A couple of things I didn't like: There were some specifics lacking - lots of big ideas, but no real HOWs. Granted, this probably wasn't the place for them. But still.
Also, I was a little lost near the end of the speech. I felt like he drifted a bit, and while it seemed like he was trying to make the point that we have things we need to fix, he kinda went into "look how much better other countries are than us right now" territory.
All in all, not terrible. But I'd still love a report back on how the job situation should be a challenge instead of discouraging. What? Not gonna happen? I thought not.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Happy birthday, Capt Freeman
As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking about my friend Matt, a Naval Academy classmate and company mate who went on to be a Marine, and was killed in Afghanistan a year and a half ago. Then when I logged on to Facebook this morning I realized it would have been his 31st birthday today. God really does work in mysterious ways....
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My thoughts on Tucson
So I've pretty much been sucking at blogging since the end of Reverb10/ New Year's.
I admit it. Without a prompt about what to write, sometimes I just can't think of anything. Other times, I think of things to write but am just too lazy to put the ideas down in words. Or I get distracted by work or school or life in general.
Yes, I understand the above are a bunch of excuses, so ignore them all.
This whole business in Tucson has been weighing on me since it happened. I generally try very hard to do my own research and educate myself about political issues in this country, and I firmly believe that the two parties have moved so far to the extremes of their sides that the general public is being left with nothing to identify with. Do I think Sarah Palin is an idiot for using crosshairs in her graphics? Absolutely. Do I think that there are plenty of Democrats who have consistently used violent words as well? For sure.
There was absolutely ZERO justification for immediately associating this deranged, disturbed gunman with a political movement of any sort. ESPECIALLY not BEFORE the assertion that he was just a messed up kid. Why wasn't that the first thing anyone said? Why do we immediately try to blame it on politicians instead of first saying man, this guy must be a seriously messed up individual to open fire on a crowd at a political speech in a grocery store parking lot at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning?
THAT is the problem. Everything is used against the other side, no matter the legitimacy or the ethics (or lack thereof) involved. The parties are so desperate to make themselves look better, and what better way than to make the other guy look criminal? Politics in the US are in a sad state right now. What will it take to make it better? The prospects kinda scare me.
But here's the other thing about Tucson that bothers me. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME. Gun violence and mass shootings are nothing new. I may be a cynic for saying this, but I have to think that while this still would have made the news, but if it had not been for the fact that a Congressional Representative was involved, it would not have warranted the President or the constant news coverage. Why are flags at half staff for this, but not for the soldiers dying daily overseas? Why not for every child that gets murdered? It doesn't really help with the whole "DC is in a bubble and only cares about its own" idea that I know is out there.
And there are people who want to truly fight reinstating the ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines? Really? And Arizona doesn't think that they should regulate who gets to concealed carry? And nobody thinks any gun control legislation will come out of this event? I'm all about 2nd Amendment rights, but there's a middle ground here, one that makes sense. I wish, for once, Congress would dispel with the politics and actually DO THEIR JOBS, which are to look out for the well being of their constituents.
OK, I'm all done ranting about all this now (and sorry if it doesn't all make sense, but I don't go back and edit posts like this. It's kinda the point, right?). What a damn mess this was. I truly do feel for those who lost loved ones, and wish those recovering, including Rep Giffords, the absolute best. Let's learn from this and make something good come out of it. Please.
I admit it. Without a prompt about what to write, sometimes I just can't think of anything. Other times, I think of things to write but am just too lazy to put the ideas down in words. Or I get distracted by work or school or life in general.
Yes, I understand the above are a bunch of excuses, so ignore them all.
This whole business in Tucson has been weighing on me since it happened. I generally try very hard to do my own research and educate myself about political issues in this country, and I firmly believe that the two parties have moved so far to the extremes of their sides that the general public is being left with nothing to identify with. Do I think Sarah Palin is an idiot for using crosshairs in her graphics? Absolutely. Do I think that there are plenty of Democrats who have consistently used violent words as well? For sure.
There was absolutely ZERO justification for immediately associating this deranged, disturbed gunman with a political movement of any sort. ESPECIALLY not BEFORE the assertion that he was just a messed up kid. Why wasn't that the first thing anyone said? Why do we immediately try to blame it on politicians instead of first saying man, this guy must be a seriously messed up individual to open fire on a crowd at a political speech in a grocery store parking lot at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning?
THAT is the problem. Everything is used against the other side, no matter the legitimacy or the ethics (or lack thereof) involved. The parties are so desperate to make themselves look better, and what better way than to make the other guy look criminal? Politics in the US are in a sad state right now. What will it take to make it better? The prospects kinda scare me.
But here's the other thing about Tucson that bothers me. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME. Gun violence and mass shootings are nothing new. I may be a cynic for saying this, but I have to think that while this still would have made the news, but if it had not been for the fact that a Congressional Representative was involved, it would not have warranted the President or the constant news coverage. Why are flags at half staff for this, but not for the soldiers dying daily overseas? Why not for every child that gets murdered? It doesn't really help with the whole "DC is in a bubble and only cares about its own" idea that I know is out there.
And there are people who want to truly fight reinstating the ban on assault weapons and high capacity magazines? Really? And Arizona doesn't think that they should regulate who gets to concealed carry? And nobody thinks any gun control legislation will come out of this event? I'm all about 2nd Amendment rights, but there's a middle ground here, one that makes sense. I wish, for once, Congress would dispel with the politics and actually DO THEIR JOBS, which are to look out for the well being of their constituents.
OK, I'm all done ranting about all this now (and sorry if it doesn't all make sense, but I don't go back and edit posts like this. It's kinda the point, right?). What a damn mess this was. I truly do feel for those who lost loved ones, and wish those recovering, including Rep Giffords, the absolute best. Let's learn from this and make something good come out of it. Please.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
#Reverb10, The Last
The Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
I waited until today to do this final Reverb10 post sort of on purpose. I knew yesterday I needed to think about it, and I just didn't get back to it. However, even after thinking about it, I just don't think I like this final prompt. The bonus part is easy - I've been talking the whole time about the common threads in the posts that I've been finding, but the central story at the core of me? I think my tag line on my blog pretty much says it all - I'm a former Sailor, now government employee, and music lover. Sometimes I just need an outlet.
I waited until today to do this final Reverb10 post sort of on purpose. I knew yesterday I needed to think about it, and I just didn't get back to it. However, even after thinking about it, I just don't think I like this final prompt. The bonus part is easy - I've been talking the whole time about the common threads in the posts that I've been finding, but the central story at the core of me? I think my tag line on my blog pretty much says it all - I'm a former Sailor, now government employee, and music lover. Sometimes I just need an outlet.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
#Reverb10 December 30th (aka, we're almost done!)
The Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
There's no way that I CAN'T revert back to the one thing that's been huge in this entire project - Matt making the move from Atlanta to DC. To me, that was an emotional gift of commitment. Our relationship wasn't going very well a year ago - we were fighting a lot, we were both unemployed, we weren't sure what was going to be happening because it was looking like the job in DC was going to happen, and he wasn't ready to go yet. But when he finally did make the decision, it was amazing.
Things settled out in the time we were long distance. The longest we went without seeing each other was 3 months, and it was ridiculously hard, but once we were back together, it just grew from there. Even though he's had a little bit of trouble with some of the more traditional commitment things (and he'll be the first to admit it), making that move, to a place where he pretty much had nothing except for me, was the best gift I could have received this year.
There's no way that I CAN'T revert back to the one thing that's been huge in this entire project - Matt making the move from Atlanta to DC. To me, that was an emotional gift of commitment. Our relationship wasn't going very well a year ago - we were fighting a lot, we were both unemployed, we weren't sure what was going to be happening because it was looking like the job in DC was going to happen, and he wasn't ready to go yet. But when he finally did make the decision, it was amazing.
Things settled out in the time we were long distance. The longest we went without seeing each other was 3 months, and it was ridiculously hard, but once we were back together, it just grew from there. Even though he's had a little bit of trouble with some of the more traditional commitment things (and he'll be the first to admit it), making that move, to a place where he pretty much had nothing except for me, was the best gift I could have received this year.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
#Reverb10 December 29th
The Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
I'm pretty sure that my defining series of events this year include moving back to DC, starting the new job, Matt moving up, and restarting my masters program. But except for the masters program, I've already talked about most of them at length in this project, so I'll just stick with that one.
When I was in DC on active duty a few years back, and I had my first evaluation with the big boss, he asked me if I had started my masters yet. I said no, and he asked why, and I didn't really have a good reason. I mean, I didn't really have a good reason TO start either, since I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. But I knew I didn't want to deal with the GRE, or any of the other tests, or take out any loans, or use any tuition assistance that would mean I owed additional time in the Navy. He told me I needed to work on my masters while I was on shore duty, so I did some research, found an accredited online program that I could afford, and got to work. I took 3 classes before I got out and ran out of money, and finally just got all of my GI bill paperwork done and can afford to pay for the rest of it. So I'm back to work, and as much of a pain in the neck it is, I'm glad to be doing it. It will absolutely help me with the job progression, and most of the other people in my office, even the young ones, have masters degrees. So go me!
I'm pretty sure that my defining series of events this year include moving back to DC, starting the new job, Matt moving up, and restarting my masters program. But except for the masters program, I've already talked about most of them at length in this project, so I'll just stick with that one.
When I was in DC on active duty a few years back, and I had my first evaluation with the big boss, he asked me if I had started my masters yet. I said no, and he asked why, and I didn't really have a good reason. I mean, I didn't really have a good reason TO start either, since I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my life. But I knew I didn't want to deal with the GRE, or any of the other tests, or take out any loans, or use any tuition assistance that would mean I owed additional time in the Navy. He told me I needed to work on my masters while I was on shore duty, so I did some research, found an accredited online program that I could afford, and got to work. I took 3 classes before I got out and ran out of money, and finally just got all of my GI bill paperwork done and can afford to pay for the rest of it. So I'm back to work, and as much of a pain in the neck it is, I'm glad to be doing it. It will absolutely help me with the job progression, and most of the other people in my office, even the young ones, have masters degrees. So go me!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
#Reverb10 December 28th
The Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
This seems very very similar to the prompt from the 18th. But I committed to finishing this project so I will, dammit!!
There are a few things I want to achieve in 2011. But lets stick with the one I already mentioned, that I want to take a significant chunk out of my credit card debt. I think it will give me a feeling of freedom, and lift a burden off of my shoulders, getting rid of some of the financial stress that I've felt over the past couple of years when my situation wasn't ideal.
As far as getting that feeling today, I mean, that's not really going to happen today. It won't happen until I get it done. However, it helps me to really think about the plan that I have to make it happen, so here are the things I'm going to do to get there:
1. My mortgage interest rate just reset, and so my payment has gone down nearly $260. That $260 is going straight onto credit cards, in addition to the payments I was already planning on making. First, I will be paying off a store card that I am paying way too much interest on, but was good for buying work clothes when I first moved back.
2. My car will paid off very soon, July I think. Once that is done, that $320 will be going onto credit cards every month. Most likely it will go first onto the regular card on which I have the higher balance, which also has the higher interest rate. It will take a while to put a good dent into it, but I will be patient.
3. I will be cutting down on unnecessary expenditures and putting at least the minimum payment plus any charges incurred that month on my cards, so that every month the balance is going down.
4. I will not be using my credit cards at all, except for purchases where I can immediately put the payment on to it. The only reason I will do this is for the rewards points on my Visa - those iTunes gift cards I accumulate are a nice thing to get! But there will be no purchases without immediate payments.
I know that's not 10 things, but its 4 solid things that will make my life easier, and bring me closer to my goal.
Oh, and the other thing I want to do - record at least a 4 song demo with Matt of music we write together. We're both too talented to not be working together, and we have the capability now to get it done.
This seems very very similar to the prompt from the 18th. But I committed to finishing this project so I will, dammit!!
There are a few things I want to achieve in 2011. But lets stick with the one I already mentioned, that I want to take a significant chunk out of my credit card debt. I think it will give me a feeling of freedom, and lift a burden off of my shoulders, getting rid of some of the financial stress that I've felt over the past couple of years when my situation wasn't ideal.
As far as getting that feeling today, I mean, that's not really going to happen today. It won't happen until I get it done. However, it helps me to really think about the plan that I have to make it happen, so here are the things I'm going to do to get there:
1. My mortgage interest rate just reset, and so my payment has gone down nearly $260. That $260 is going straight onto credit cards, in addition to the payments I was already planning on making. First, I will be paying off a store card that I am paying way too much interest on, but was good for buying work clothes when I first moved back.
2. My car will paid off very soon, July I think. Once that is done, that $320 will be going onto credit cards every month. Most likely it will go first onto the regular card on which I have the higher balance, which also has the higher interest rate. It will take a while to put a good dent into it, but I will be patient.
3. I will be cutting down on unnecessary expenditures and putting at least the minimum payment plus any charges incurred that month on my cards, so that every month the balance is going down.
4. I will not be using my credit cards at all, except for purchases where I can immediately put the payment on to it. The only reason I will do this is for the rewards points on my Visa - those iTunes gift cards I accumulate are a nice thing to get! But there will be no purchases without immediate payments.
I know that's not 10 things, but its 4 solid things that will make my life easier, and bring me closer to my goal.
Oh, and the other thing I want to do - record at least a 4 song demo with Matt of music we write together. We're both too talented to not be working together, and we have the capability now to get it done.
Monday, December 27, 2010
#Reverb10 December 27th
The Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
Didn't we already do this one? Wasn't there a prompt about the best moment of the year? I would say the exact same thing, except for this one thing that happened yesterday...
Yesterday, for the first time in a really long time, I wrote again. A friend of Matt's came over last night to jam, and I ended up sitting with them just listening, and suddenly I was inspired in a way that I had not been in a really long time. A front was passing by, and I looked up at the sky and saw the line where the clouds ended and the clear sky began, and it was late afternoon so the colors of the sunset were starting, and the contrast between the two just reminded me of life a year ago and life now, and where Matt and I were and are now. And I just started writing. And it felt amazing! This ordinary moment of sitting in this amazing house, on the day after Christmas, with a glass (well, a Christmas paper cup really - classy, right?) of wine, and listening to two amazingly talented men play their guitars... It was just the inspiration I needed.
Didn't we already do this one? Wasn't there a prompt about the best moment of the year? I would say the exact same thing, except for this one thing that happened yesterday...
Yesterday, for the first time in a really long time, I wrote again. A friend of Matt's came over last night to jam, and I ended up sitting with them just listening, and suddenly I was inspired in a way that I had not been in a really long time. A front was passing by, and I looked up at the sky and saw the line where the clouds ended and the clear sky began, and it was late afternoon so the colors of the sunset were starting, and the contrast between the two just reminded me of life a year ago and life now, and where Matt and I were and are now. And I just started writing. And it felt amazing! This ordinary moment of sitting in this amazing house, on the day after Christmas, with a glass (well, a Christmas paper cup really - classy, right?) of wine, and listening to two amazingly talented men play their guitars... It was just the inspiration I needed.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
#Reverb10 December 26th
The Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
A few months back, Matt and I made a trip to Eastern Market and picked up some steaks. Those steaks were absolutely the best meal I ate this year - the meat just melted in my mouth, and when it was gone, I was sad because I wanted there to be more. It was amazing. I have nothing else to add to this - that steak was the best meal I've had in years, and the most memorable meal I ate in 2010.
A few months back, Matt and I made a trip to Eastern Market and picked up some steaks. Those steaks were absolutely the best meal I ate this year - the meat just melted in my mouth, and when it was gone, I was sad because I wanted there to be more. It was amazing. I have nothing else to add to this - that steak was the best meal I've had in years, and the most memorable meal I ate in 2010.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
#Reverb10 Christmas Day
The Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.
I just love this picture. It was taken July 3rd, in Chapel Hill, NC by Matt's best friend's wife on their back porch. I was so happy, because Matt was finally making the move. It doesn't reveal anything, really, but it was a happy weekend, and it was the start of the new life together in DC :)
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