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These words are my diary screaming out loud

Monday, October 03, 2005

Its Almost Over

This Friday, I embark on the next leg of my little Naval journey- we get underway for the first time and sail this baby out of Maine. Ive been up here for almost 6 months, and its been an interesting 6 months, thats for sure. I have explored a side of myself that Im not sure I like, finding outlets for my boredom that made people who know me stop and question, knowing that it was not me. I put 15,000 miles on my car trying to find things to do, oftentimes driving 400 miles in a day to do them. Ive made some new friends, strengthened bonds over distance with others, and lost touch with a couple of people. All in all, I think Ive learned a good deal about myself in the last 6 months; some of it agreed with me, and some of it didnt.

But, as evidenced from some earlier posts, Im ready to go. But Im not so excited about the leaving part. Several of you who may be reading this are sailors or former sailors, be it Navy or Coast Guard, and you talk all the time about loving being underway. Not me. I actually detest it. I am dreading it. Not just because of one reason in general, but because of a lot of things. I get seasick. I know I wont get a good night's sleep the entire time Im out. I wont be able to eat decently. I wont get a lick of privacy. Its the little things, like I cant take a shower without wearing flip flops, and I cant play my music when I want to, and I cant sit with my feet up to watch TV or read a book.

Going back and reading this, it sounds kinda bad, probably even more so to those of you who may not know me that well. But its just me being honest. Ive given this SWO thing a fair run, Ive done pretty well at it, but I think this is going to be it for me. All I can think about right now is how much I hate being at sea, and I think thats a sign that maybe I shouldnt be going to sea anymore. Which gets me thinking once again about how messed up things are- why is it that those of us who dont want to be going to sea are stuck with it, while people who all they want to do in life is drive ships are forced out? (Wow, that was a mindset shift, huh?) I wish with all my heart that I could trade with Molly, for the same reason I knew that if things had been different and Melanie had not gotten pilot and I had I would have tried my hardest to give her my billet. But, as Molly reminded me the other day, I need to remember that there is a master plan, and I am not in control of it.

For now, though, its time to secure for sea.

1 comment:

Mollina said...

Well, even those of us who loved going to sea don't like showering in flip-flops. :) But you'll get through this one, just like you have before. And time will fly. Just keep your head above water (no punn intended) with these guys and know that there's something great waiting for you around the corner. So it takes a big grey boat to sail you there. Could be worse - you could be in that taxi from last Christmas. You can donate your flip-flops to that guy when you get out! :) Be safe underway.